African Restaurants

[Martin Hash]

Phil & Annie Hall.JPG

Traveling through western Africa, there is one major concern: it’s the diet – there isn’t any. There are nothing like the restaurants Westerners are familiar with, and often the only choice is what you can see being cooked in makeshift grills along the side of the road. There are two things you will learn if you do find a food serving establishment: (1) they can NOT make change, and (2) if there IS a menu, nothing on it will be available. I noticed that local people are not given menus. They are all eating some kind of unrecognizable meat on rice. Apparently, Africans think white people expect menus – even if they’re not for the same restaurant. Here’s a typical exchange with the serving-person/owner:

“I’d like the chicken curry.”

“We don’t have that.”

“Okay, how about the tomato soup.”

“No, we don’t have that either.”

“The pork Kabob?”

“No.”

“What do you have?”

“Unrecognizable grilled meat on yesterday’s rice.”

“I’ll have that, yum.”

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.

.

“Can I have my change, please?”

“do you have smaller money?”

“What’s the smallest you have?”

“The money I just got from you.”

There is another important thing you really need to know about ordering from a restaurant – no matter what you order, expect it to take at least two hours before the food comes, and if anybody else comes in while you’re waiting – they get your order.

Also of note: there are NO restrooms; you pay for water; and keep the cap on your beer bottle or the flies will unerringly zoom in. (I’ve become expert at decanting insects and other wiggling debris from liquids.)

The spirit of service does live - though in some obscurity: bicycle ice cream vendors are relentless in their pursuit of customers. It’s remarkable how far a man with an ice cooler can go into the bush. A hundred kilometers from anywhere, we came upon a vendor tireless pumping pedals to sell his delicious wares to who-knows-who? We stopped, somewhat amazed, and made hand-signals to the effect of, “do you have some yummy stuff if that box?” We all feasted on two, three popsicles each – except for one of our group who traded his “Zambezi Rafting” t-shirt for a chocolate-colored vanilla bar.

Believe me, after not eating for a long enough time, you get used to the situation, and… You lose weight effortlessly and without exercise! And one left wee tidbit of information I can pass on is: after traveling to dozens of African countries, I’ve found only one food item common to all - Coca-Cola.