Surprise In The Jungle

[Martin Hash]

Bathrooms I Shouldnt Have.jpg

Blame-mongers around the world, especially in countries with high levels of self-righteous indignation, often cast the “white” man as the villain for Africa’s most intractable problems. I’ve rejected such notions… Until now – for I have concrete evidence of the perfidy of white people with respect to local values and mores – something I personally witnessed!

In west Africa, especially the sub-Sahara, personal hygiene is rather relaxed. There are few public toilets because there doesn’t have to be – every bush, wall, or bare spot on the ground is a restroom. For example, signs warning against public urination are prime candidates for just such a utilization.

There is a formula for overlanding that is repeated again and again every day: drive until almost dark then look for a suitable campsite on the side of the road. Often this strategy works remarkably well but occasionally dusk has descended and we’re still bouncing along on our bench seats.

We were driving a bumpy dirt track in Cameroon. So far, there had been no promising campsites, there being ditches on either side, or the bush was impenetrable. Abruptly, a side track came into our view, barely visible in the gathering darkness. A quick righthand jerk of the wheel and we were headed off the road. I was standing in the aisle looking out the windows in the front. Surprised, I could see someone directly in our path. A local man had chosen to perform his evening constitution in the semi-concealed entrance of a dirt side road leading off the dirt main road.

“Hey! We’re going to run over that guy,” I warned to no one in particular because the drive couldn’t hear me.

Just then the headlights caught the unsuspecting man in midsquat, his pants around his ankles. I have to admire his quickness of thought: given only an instant , when faced with the option to pinch off what he was doing first or die, he chose to jump out of the way with his business still swinging. The truck immediately crunched over where he’d just been, flattening what remained of his presence.

I never saw the guy after that startled look of shock in his eyes as he threw himself clear in mid-dump but I always take his lesson to heart… Thereafter, I look both ways before I do a #2.