First 10 Chapters - First Round Edited.

[The Conservative]

I’ve decided to let people here the first 10 chapters of my book. This is the first edited draft.

It’s 140 computer pages, so it should take some time to peruse.

Enjoy, or don’t. It’s not everyone’s forte.

The Old Guard.pdf

[TheReal_ND]

Wow that was really good man. Keep it up. I just have issue with the way you treat the female protagonist. It's not very life like. She should have a more human side to her. Like, instead of being a strong supporting role she should question the main character more. Have her ask "but how does this benefit me though?" Or, "Can you make it easier for me?" You know, typical woman stuff.

[The Conservative]

Wow that was really good man. Keep it up. I just have issue with the way you treat the female protagonist. It's not very life like. She should have a more human side to her. Like, instead of being a strong supporting role she should question the main character more. Have her ask "but how does this benefit me though?" Or, "Can you make it easier for me?" You know, typical woman stuff.

She’s not meant to be the main character yet. Not until further into the book. (The part you don’t see) she has been sheltered all her life. She doesn’t want or need for much, and is happy with her lot in life.

The first book is about how that gets turned upside down by actions of her parents.

[TheReal_ND]

I like the character development here

[The Conservative]

I like the character development here

Thanks

[The Conservative]

Any other feedback?