Penguin Family

[Martin Hash]

Getting birthday gifts is tough for adults. When I was buying gifts for my kids, it was easy; buy them whatever fun thing I wanted then pretend it was for them. Unfortunately, nowadays what I want isn't on the shelves at Walmart. I make it easy for people though, I actually tell them what to buy on eBay. For example, this year I want original “Redline” Hot Wheels cars, but not any cars; I want the cars I had as a kid. I know which ones those are because I still have the steel buttons that Hot Wheels cars used to come with. I already bought the 1967 12-car Hot Wheels Rally case to put them in. I'm going to hang it on the wall in the Pool Table room with the cars inside so my grandkids can marvel at how cool they are. I'll probably even let them play with them. Why not? If they get broken, I'll just have people buy them as a birthday gift for me again.

Hot Wheels Buttons.jpg

Unfortunately, birthday gift buying is not so simple for my wife, Gwynne. She doesn't want any Hot Wheels cars or Action comic books. In fact, she hardly likes any of my good stuff, and gives me The Look when I hang up something new. I even asked her, “do you want any Hot Wheels cars?” but I don't think she heard me because she didn't say anything back. Instead, Gwynne likes to do things. This forces me to think of things to do that fit into the narrow range of Gwynne things. Luckily, this year I received an email invitation to do the “Paint the Town TED” (for the Technology, Entertainment & Design conference) run around the Portland waterfront. Most importantly, there were prizes for best group costume. Now that, I thought, was Gwynne birthday material. Because of her name, Gwynne collects pen-guins, so I had my son, Heath, buy tuxedo t-shirts and furry penguin hats off of Amazon, cheap ones, and invited our friends, the Polos', to join us.
“It's a run for Gwynne's birthday,” I told John Polos.
“Do we have to run?” he asked.
“No.”
“We don't have to dress up or anything like last time?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
“Well, okay, as long as we don't have to do anything stupid.”
“We don't.

When we arrived downtown, John and his wife, Marla, were already there.
“What's in the box?” John asked, suspiciously.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Let me look?”
I opened box.
“I knew it!” John exclaimed.
I called everyone over before the run and handed out the penguin hats.
“How come I don't have a hat?” John asked.
I knew the irony of the situation but I didn't mention it.
“Here, wear mine,” I offered instead.

Penguin Family.JPG

Everyone waved at us as we went around river trek. The people on the Walkie-Talkies would say, “Hey, it's the Penguin Family.” Gwynne seemed pleased. We were the very last ones to finish; the beer was already gone, and they were giving away the awards. Apparently they had been waiting for us because immediately I heard, “The free year supply of Blue Star donuts go to the Penguin Family.”
“I knew it!” Heath said, happily. “The donuts were the best prize.”
We were all called up to the front for a picture.
“Give me your hat,” I said to my daughter, Heather.
“I'm wearing my hat; you wear your own hat.”
“John has my hat.”
“He looks more like a penguin anyway,” Heather replied.
I wasn't quite sure how I should take that but I think it was a compliment.

Blue Star Donuts.jpg

[de officiis]

Curated redlines:

http://www.toycarcollector.com

[Martin Hash]

It turned out that Blue Star donuts aren’t very good so it’s okay that the “1 year of free donuts” was really only 6 months because the offer expired at the end of the calendar year.