To Helicopter, or Not To Helicopter...

[SuburbanFarmer]

Real talk.

How do other parents find the line between "helicopter" parenting, and not paying enough attention? I know that I lean towards the helicopter style, by mid-west standards, but I'm a negligent criminal compared to west-coasters. I'm deeply terrified of my kids getting hurt, and have been since they were born.

I'm not sure how this is normally dealt with by other parents, curious for honest opinions.

[TheReal_ND]

I used to follow him around the apartment complex on walks to the park but at the park I would generally hang back and wait for him to hurt himself so I could laugh at him. Once he gets older, I assume it's safe to wander around in apartment complexes like I did as a kid, provided he knows not to get in a strangers car or house.

[C-Mag]

Free Range

[Kazmyr]

It's a tough line to walk. For me, it's tough because my daughter is in the toddler stage and the wife and I are transitioning from having to do things for her to letting her do things herself. I try to keep a close eye on her and unless, she's really going to fuck herself up (e.g. clearly take a 3 ft. header onto the brick hearth), try not to intervene. Still find myself getting involved and asking myself "Should I have really done that or let her try it on her own?"

I'm hoping it'll become a little easier as she gets older and more capable/can pay attention to what's she's doing.

What makes you think you're helicoptering?

[SuburbanFarmer]

Free Range

At what age? You can't just leave a toddler in the yard, and hope for the best.

[SuburbanFarmer]

It's a tough line to walk. For me, it's tough because my daughter is in the toddler stage and the wife and I are transitioning from having to do things for her to letting her do things herself. I try to keep a close eye on her and unless, she's really going to fuck herself up (e.g. clearly take a 3 ft. header onto the brick hearth), try not to intervene. Still find myself getting involved and asking myself "Should I have really done that or let her try it on her own?"

I'm hoping it'll become a little easier as she gets older and more capable/can pay attention to what's she's doing.

What makes you think you're helicoptering?

Mainly just because I see how relaxed other parents appear, while I'm a ball of terror inside, any time we leave the house.

My son is 3 also, and possessed by a demon. He's absolutely nuts sometimes, hitting, screaming, throwing things. I do have him trained not to leave the yard, so I'll leave him outside with his big bro.

But when we have a birthday party, for example, I can't take my eyes off him. He's constantly picking up a rake (for example) and swinging it around, or driving his Big Wheels into a tree, or hitting another kid, or... exhausting. Meanwhile, the other parents all just yuck it up and relax, not seeming to care what's going on until someone screams.

Also, it's a nightmare trying to get him to eat. I swear the kid is starving to death, if I don't battle him all evening.

[Smitty-48]

Helicoptering is dangerous, these helicopter kids lack survival instincts, they're the most reckless of them all, they're totally oblivious to what's going on around them, you could pounce on a helicopter kid any which way from sunday and they'd never suss it until it was too late.

It's like when you're training troops, it's not that you don't point out the danger, but when they say "where's the net?", you say, "there's no net, you fuck this up, you're dead", and only then do they start paying attention.

People think "oh, in the army, they tell you what do at all times and run everything for you", but it's actually the opposite, in the army, you put the kids in charge of themselves, in the most dangerous of situations, sink or swim, usually for the first time they've ever been there in their lives, but all of a sudden, in the face of that, they actually rise to the occasion.

It's homo sapiens sapiens, kill or be killed apex predator, you can throw it in the deep end, and it will figure it out on its own.

[SilverEagle]

Real talk.

How do other parents find the line between "helicopter" parenting, and not paying enough attention? I know that I lean towards the helicopter style, by mid-west standards, but I'm a negligent criminal compared to west-coasters. I'm deeply terrified of my kids getting hurt, and have been since they were born.

I'm not sure how this is normally dealt with by other parents, curious for honest opinions.

Basically in the same boat as you brother. But it's not surprising given that we live not only in the same region but in the same State.

[Smitty-48]

You parents, you just know what you're dealing with there, you think it's a cuddly little fluffy thing, but it's actually a high speed low drag killing machine, and it comes like that out of the box, all you're doing with your parenting, is defanging it, which, that ain't making it more likely to survive, all you're doing is turning that predator into prey.

To include in the micro-economic post industrial sense as well, you're turning it into mush, and then at some point you're going to have to drop it in a hyper competitive sink or swim economy, to eat or be eaten, so you're not doing it any favours, whether you're talking kinetic or not.

[Kazmyr]

While my daughter is still young, I'm still gonna keep tabs on her. But at the same time, I'm not gonna squash her curiosity. I want her to try to learn things on her own and now that she's showing that she's initially capable of doing that, I'm gonna let her. Like I said, I'm only going to intervene if it's gonna be real bad or, alternatively, if she's acting like a real asshole (as toddlers are wont to do sometimes).

As she gets older, then it's gonna become "Try, Fail, Learn" mixed with teaching her how to do things.

Worst thing I could do for her, would be to do everything for her and then have her spend the rest of her life unable to help herself after the wife and I are gone.