The Perfect Traveling Companion

[Martin Hash]

The perfect traveling companion is a Gluten-free vegan who's lactose intolerant, allergic to cats, and doesn't speak any other language so has to pantomime & talk loudly & slowly in English as if this will help the waiter understand the special treatment they need. It's also useful for them to hold up the line in a buffet trying to get someone's attention to find out whether the potato soup is low sodium, and rather there is any GMO ingredients in the bread. I also like to endlessly hear when they've been “glutened” by some inconsiderate, obviously bumpkinish, food cart seller, who must have placed some insecticide-tainted chard in with the lentils even though the sign outside said otherwise. I have a lot of sympathy towards their abdominal “bloating” that they say makes them appear pregnant, and “somebody ought to be held accountable.” I'm just sayin', I love traveling with these pretentious twits.

Sign in the Night Market: “Eco, bio, dairy-free, wheat-free, made with love, no hydrogenated oils, no trans-fats, kosher, non-GMO, whole grain, eat healthy.”

Perfect Traveling Companion (Yunnan Dali, China).jpg

[DBTrek]

Damn Martin.
You're rich.
You can't afford better friends than that?