Plastic Surgery

[Martin Hash]

I live in one of those neighborhoods that people who sell expensive stuff send catalogs to: just the cost of printing some of these things has got to be more than a lot of people earn in a year. Mostly, we throw them out because they always sell status which is something my wife, Gwynne, and I seem allergic to, but sometimes we keep the coffee-table size “Homes for Sale” books just to see what our neighbors are selling their houses for. There was one catalog that I just couldn't throw out, in fact, I couldn't stop thinking about it: it was a catalog for plastic surgery. I had all kinds of questions? Is there a plastic surgery hierarchy: do people with more money get the expensive liposuction while the relatively poor rich only have their eyelids tucked? How many years do those Laser Treatments take off: do customer's think, “this is a great deal if I amortize it.” I kept wondering who in my neighborhood is getting plastic surgery, and I began squinting at neighbor's faces whenever Gwynne & I met someone while walking the dog.

Plastic 2.JPG

Plastic 1.JPG

Bizarrely, there's 2-4-1 deals, really, I mean it: for example, get one Botox, Filler or Mole Removal and the next one's free, and you get 20% off the first Body Sculpting and 50% off the second. Unfortunately, after a moment of interest, it turns out I had confused what they meant by “mole removal,” so no sale; my son, Heath, will just have to keep removing our moles. I'm embarrassed to admit it but, frankly, if Gwynne got a fanny lift, I probably wouldn't notice, and even if I did, what would I say, “dear, your butt looks sexy.” No, really, my wife is grandma material, there's not a thing she could do, plastic or otherwise, that would make one difference to me or the kids. Well, maybe? She's pretty short: I'll look to see if they have a coupon for that.

Plastic 3.JPG

[MilSpecs]

It's easy to tell if someone's had Botox or fillers - just wait for them to smile or stand with the sun behind you when you talk to them (assuming they're not wearing sunglasses). I know people who have Botox regularly, and some who have their veins injected. I haven't noticed fillers, but I'm assuming some of them do. There's only one person I know of who had a boob job. I can't blame them, either, considering the huge value our society places on youthful good looks. Not everyone has the blessings of good genetics. It's easy for us to say we don't want help if we don't really need it (and you don't need it, Martin, and neither does your wife - you both look good and are in good shape).

[heydaralon]

Ginny Sacs had a 98 pound mole removed from her ass...

[Okeefenokee]

Ginny Sacs had a 98 pound mole removed from her ass...

When Ginny hauls ass, she's gotta make two trips.

[Ex-California]

My wife's friend just got botox and it made her look better. I don't like when my wife spends money on it when she gets it once a year or whatever but then it gives me carte blanche to buy another surfboard or guitar.

I wouldn't mind if she got a boob job if I actually got to do more than look at them, but at this point, i'm not getting to play with her boobs anyway so why spend the money?

[heydaralon]

Ginny Sacs had a 98 pound mole removed from her ass...

When Ginny hauls ass, she's gotta make two trips.

When Ginny goes camping, the bears have to hide their food from her!

[Okeefenokee]

Who's tits is California talking about and why can't he play with them?

[Ex-California]

Who's tits is California talking about and why can't he play with them?

My wife

[Martin Hash]

Who's tits is California talking about and why can't he play with them?

My wife

Hey, aren't you the same guy who doesn't wear any underwear?!

[Ex-California]

Who's tits is California talking about and why can't he play with them?

My wife

Hey, aren't you the same guy who doesn't wear any underwear?!