I loved milk as a kid. My mom used to buy gallons at a time. I'm not sure why kids love milk, it's not sweet, and there's no texture; it must be instinctual, growing bones and all that. Whatever the reason, us boys would often go to the refrigerator and pour ourselves a glass of Whole milk as treat. Then I got married.
My wife wasn't much of a milk drinker, and after my urging, she would only buy 2%. 2%!? Yuck. I wouldn't drink the 2% because it was nasty, so it would sit in the refrigerator and go bad then she would say, “you wanted milk, I bought it, and you didn't even drink it.” “Get REAL milk,” I'd demanded, but she wouldn't budge.
It wasn't until we had children that milk started showing up in our fridge again but, of course, it was 2%. After a while I gave up and drank the 2%. You know, it was pretty good. Apparently, they had made it taste just like Whole milk. But canned milk was still terrible. In fact, it would make me vomit, and powered milk – don't get me started on powered milk...
As empty-nesters, my wife & I went traveling through Africa for 8 months. The truck we traveled on had what was called UHT milk in small sealed containers that could travel without refrigeration. It looked suspiciously like canned milk so I wouldn't drink it, but after a month I was milk jonesing so I took a little sip of UHT milk, and you know what? It tasted like real milk! My goodness, all this time I'd been going without milk and it was right here! Unfortunately, it ran out rather quickly.
Most Africans are lactose intolerant, which may be why I never saw a cow? Or maybe it's the same reason there was no electricity or flush toilets? Whatever the reason, there was no way we were going to buy any milk, but there was quite a bit of powered milk on the truck. I absolutely knew that there was no way I could drink powered milk: it wasn't even real milk. Just mixing it up is disgusting, but after another couple months, I thought I'd try some in my tea. If I puked, all I was out was a single cup of tea, but I didn't barf. In fact, I could hardly tell if the milk tasted different or not, so I mixed up a glass of just powered milk. I doubled the amount of powder because it looked too watery at the suggested dose, and, guess what, it wasn't too bad. In fact, it tasted just like regular milk! How could that be? In fact, since we had no refrigeration, and the local water had to be boiled before drinking, I had to drink the powered milk warm but it was still just as good!
There was a limited amount of powered milk so I soon switched to using the recommended mix, and that tasted just as good. It was hard for me to believe in the few decades since I had tried powered milk that the formula had gotten so perfect that it now tasted just like Whole milk. I was suspicious but not complaining: I loved me some milk. Unfortunately, there were still several months to go on the Africa trip, so I started having half a glass of milk instead to make it last, but one day I forget and put too much water in, making the milk twice as watery. I sipped a bit because I didn't want to throw it out and waste precious milk, and you know what, it didn't taste any different! My milk shortage was over; I could just reduce the amount of powered milk I put in my cup.
Near the end of the eight months, I was only able to put a pinch of powered milk in my cup, just barely making the water whitish. My wife thought it was disgusting but I assured her it tasted just like regular milk at home, and she should try it. She just looked at me in horror and amazement. Other people on our trip gave me their small share of powered milk because I seemed to like it so much, and I thanked them profusely. In this way I completed our African stay in relative milk abundance. I certainly thanked god for learning the secret of milk, and now you know it too.
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