To Helicopter, or Not To Helicopter...

[kybkh]

It's a tough line to walk. For me, it's tough because my daughter is in the toddler stage and the wife and I are transitioning from having to do things for her to letting her do things herself.

I'm hoping it'll become a little easier as she gets older and more capable/can pay attention to what's she's doing.

Mainly just because I see how relaxed other parents appear, while I'm a ball of terror inside, any time we leave the house.

My son is 3 also, and possessed by a demon. He's absolutely nuts sometimes, hitting, screaming, throwing things. I do have him trained not to leave the yard, so I'll leave him outside with his big bro.

>9 year old daughter
>4 year old son

In general, once they start wiping their own ass its time to back off a bit and let them hurt themselves.

ie...
Me: boy, don't run down the sloping pavement you're gonna go too fast and bust your ass.
Boy: ok, (but still runs down sloping pavement)
Me: Don't say I didn't warn you.
Boy: *crying from busting his ass.
Me: Want me to get some ice?
Boy: Yes.
Me: *While applying ice "remember me telling you not to run down that hill?? Maybe next time I give you a heads up you listen??"

It's a lot easier to do that the second time around because once you see your first one hit the pavement so many times and get up you realize they are more robust than they appear.

When we go to a playground I don't hover but I do loiter overhead at all times. Kinda like going from Apache Longbow attacking dangers to Global Hawk sentry mode.

At the end of the day you gotta let natural selection take its place.

[The Conservative]

Free Range

That's how I deal with my son, I watch what he does, he falls, I say "Oops" and don't react. He gets up and starts playing again. The only time I really didn't do that was when he fell face first into a table after getting off a bouncy house in a play center.

He got a whack on the side of his face (a day later it is nearly healed up), a slightly bloody nose after he fell. He was in shock, cried and walked over to me for a hug. I picked him up, hugged him, told him it was ok, he rested his head on me, my wife cleaned up the blood, and in less than a few minutes he was playing like nothing happened.

My son and I roughhouse when I get home, he starts it and I play and tickle him all the time. He falls, gets back up and has fun.

There is no real reason to be a helicopter parent... even as they get older there isn't. You stay part of their lives and call it a day. Help them out with homework, any questions they have, be there when they fall, pick them up, and they will be better off for it.

Hold their hands too much and you will raise yourself an SJW.

[Smitty-48]

See, when they gave free reign, then they had something to take away from you, you got used to living in the sunshine of freedom, but you learned the value of it therein, and when you took it for granted, they had leverage over you, it was day to night, they could giveth the sunshine, or they bring the darkness, and when the darkness closed in around you, school, chores, homework, and nothing else, then you felt the pain of it, so I was raised on the army routine, before I even joined the army, because that's how it is in the army too.

[Smitty-48]

Oh and by the way, school was no escape, because my Dad would phone the school and tell them that I was grounded, and that even during recess and lunch break, I was to be inside doing homework while the others played in the sunshine of freedom, and the school enforced it, no questions asked.

[The Conservative]

See, when they gave free reign, then they had something to take away from you, you got used to living in the sunshine of freedom, but you learned the value of it therein, and when you took it for granted, they had leverage over you, it was day to night, they could giveth the sunshine, or they bring the darkness, and when the darkness closed in around you, school, chores, homework, and nothing else, then you felt the pain of it, so I was raised on the army routine, before I even joined the army, because that's how it is in the army too.

Oh, my son at 2 already does chores. Picks up his toys, learning how to brush his teeth, and putting away his clothes into the hamper. He also knows where the dirty dishes go too.

We are going to raise our son to be independent, but not lazy.

[The Conservative]

Oh and by the way, school was no escape, because my Dad would phone the school and tell them that I was grounded, and that even during recess and lunch break, I was to be inside doing homework while the others played in the sunshine of freedom, and the school enforced it, no questions asked.

I never had to worry about that, my mother was a teacher at the school system I went to. If I did t behave she was the first to know. My ass, second by whatever teacher was there at the time. (She gave approval for corporal punishment)

[Smitty-48]

Unless I was grounded, I didn't have to do chores, so long as I made the "A" team in any sport I was playing, hockey most of all, and I was playing well and doing everything right in terms of sports and fitness, my daddy raised me to be a jock.

My dad always set up a home gym, and if you were in the gym, you were golden, that was the only chore you had to get done.

[Ex-California]

I was turned loose, but we lived way out in the sticks until I was about 11. At that point, I was fine on my own, around the neighborhood.

I guess my question is really about the 3-11 age range. It’s really hard to know how much they can handle on their own.

There's laws against leaving them alone here.

At our public school, kids can't ride bikes to school solo until they are 4th and 5th grade, and they have to be in approved walking groups at any other age.

I'm pretty sure I'd be sent to the gulag if I let my 1st grader go to the neighborhood park a couple blocks away alone.

[SuburbanFarmer]

Real talk.

How do other parents find the line between "helicopter" parenting, and not paying enough attention? I know that I lean towards the helicopter style, by mid-west standards, but I'm a negligent criminal compared to west-coasters. I'm deeply terrified of my kids getting hurt, and have been since they were born.

I'm not sure how this is normally dealt with by other parents, curious for honest opinions.

Basically in the same boat as you brother. But it's not surprising given that we live not only in the same region but in the same State.

Right? These people just let them fight to the death... LOL

[Smitty-48]

We didn't have to fight to the death, but we definitely had to fight, fighting was a must, it wasn't like my dad was too worried about me getting hurt, since he encouraged me to fight, "don't back down, you don't have to win, but you do have to show up" I'd come home all bloody and beaten, and all my dad would say was "atta boy, took your licks like a man, proud of you, son".

Bullying was not allowed, no picking on smaller kids, but so long as the kid you took on was your own size or bigger, "good on you".

We all went to martial arts class, so we could get better at fighting, of course they'd say "it's only for self defence", but realpolitik at that age; self defence was a constant requirement, kids looking to fight with you all day every day.