Selfishness vs Selflessness

[Kath]

She's only acting on a lower level, reacting to emotion and impulse. I

Fucktard misogynist has to be misogynistic, to be sure. You are a good Muslim. Explains some of your views nicely.

[SuburbanFarmer]

She's only acting on a lower level, reacting to emotion and impulse. I

Fucktard misogynist has to be misogynistic, to be sure. You are a good Muslim. Explains some of your views nicely.

Meh. If you knew her, you'd understand.

I've met smart women. Someday, I'd like to get back to fucking them. In the meantime, my life isn't my own anymore.

[Kath]

I've met smart women. Someday, I'd like to get back to fucking them. In the meantime, my life isn't my own anymore.

Ok. This isn't the fault of anyone with a vagina. FYI..... I have made really bad choices, but none of them involve a child and a person I hate for the better part of 25 years.

I don't think I became fully aware until 30 or so, but yet, I was smart enough to know that kids would ruin my life. Society should pay me for making such good decisions, but only bad decisions are rewarded these days.

[Okeefenokee]

Society should pay me for making such good decisions, but only bad decisions are rewarded these days.

[DBTrek]

I don't want to live without being around them, and most likely, I wouldn't be able to see them more than 2 days a week, while I'm working to support them. Also, yes, I'm not sure that I could even afford to do so, while paying for them. Then there's the remote possibility that she moves some other sucker into the house, and I can't protect them. So.... I guess I'm here as a warning to others.

This is what it means to "take responsibility". It's asking a hell of a lot more than people tend to think, when they discuss it.

... without getting too personal I’d just say - sticking out a loveless, acrimonious, relationship “for the kids” doesn’t deliver the results most parents intend for their children, and it doesn’t work long term.

If you’re sure you and the mother of your children cannot and will not ever love each other or work things out, then the collapse is coming. You only have influence over whether it’s a soft or catastrophic landing, so you may want to use that influence while you’ve got it.

Of course, ideally you two should work it out and have a fulfilling life together. But if that’s not in the cards, dragging out the suffering of all parties involved isn’t going to change the endgame.

Sorry you’re in that position.

[SuburbanFarmer]

I don't want to live without being around them, and most likely, I wouldn't be able to see them more than 2 days a week, while I'm working to support them. Also, yes, I'm not sure that I could even afford to do so, while paying for them. Then there's the remote possibility that she moves some other sucker into the house, and I can't protect them. So.... I guess I'm here as a warning to others.

This is what it means to "take responsibility". It's asking a hell of a lot more than people tend to think, when they discuss it.

... without getting too personal I’d just say - sticking out a loveless, acrimonious, relationship “for the kids” doesn’t deliver the results most parents intend for their children, and it doesn’t work long term.

If you’re sure you and the mother of your children cannot and will not ever love each other or work things out, then the collapse is coming. You only have influence over whether it’s a soft or catastrophic landing, so you may want to use that influence while you’ve got it.

Of course, ideally you two should work it out and have a fulfilling life together. But if that’s not in the cards, dragging out the suffering of all parties involved isn’t going to change the endgame.

Sorry you’re in that position.

Thanks. But it's not about the kids' emotional support, so much as financial.

I can expect to pay, at a bare minimum, $1200/month for 3 kids. That's what I'm paying now, just for her mortgage and utilities. That doesn't include the car payment on the minivan, groceries, cell phones, insurance, or anything else.

I could probably find a 3-bed place for around another $1000/month, plus utilities. Then there's the purchasing of extra beds, bottles, food, and everything else, to make it "appropriate" for the state to allow me to have the kids there. So, I need to clear about $4000/month, to make this happen at all. That's $65k/year, which is the most I've made in my career so far.

In addition, there's the upheaval of them moving between 2 houses all the time, and not having 2 parents in the house at any one time. Then there's the potential of some other loser coming in here and fucking them up, and the emotional pain to myself of not being around them.

It's just easier to give up on my own happiness, and enjoy my time with them, for now. Eventually, the equation will change, but not for a few years. I don't need pity, but I don't need reprimand, either. I'm paying my dues with interest. Life happens, and you make the best of it.

[DBTrek]

I’m sure you’ve given it careful consideration. Just be mindful that years of misery and kids growing up in an environment where daddy hates mommy and mommy hates daddy has costs too, even if they aren’t expressed in dollars and cents.

Not lecturing or pitying, just trying to help. You all have a finite number of years, make them good. Growing older sometimes gives one life perspective that they didn’t have in previous decades.
/shrug

[Speaker to Animals]

They like each other enough to make three babies. I am sure they could figure it out.

[DBTrek]

They like each other enough to make three babies. I am sure they could figure it out.

Depends entirely on SFs standards for dicking.
He might have had three kids with Lena Dunham or Kathy Griffin given the chance, we don’t know.

I have my suspicions tho ...

[SuburbanFarmer]

I’m sure you’ve given it careful consideration. Just be mindful that years of misery and kids growing up in an environment where daddy hates mommy and mommy hates daddy has costs too, even if they aren’t expressed in dollars and cents.

Not lecturing or pitying, just trying to help. You all have a finite number of years, make them good. Growing older sometimes gives one life perspective that they didn’t have in previous decades.
/shrug

I know. I make a concerted effort never to argue around the kids, and do my best to shut her up as well.

It's not an unhealthy environment for them, just not very affectionate between the adults.