Dr. Martin Hash Podcast

Nineteenth Century Poet Henry David Thoreau's famous quote, “most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to their graves with the songs still in them,” is less well known today even though it is more applicable than ever. Boys learn to suppress their ambitions when they are traversing puberty; during the failures, during the bullying, during the defeats, during the rejection by women. Their careers are always a fight for second or third place. By the time they are men, they have learned to submit, accept their lot in life, and must not complain because the penalties against violating the unspoken code are severe. As they get older, they become more and more invisible, to society and themselves. They use drugs & alcohol to deaden the disappointment of a life that started with optimism but ending in silence.

Girls, though they have their own rights of passage, don’t compete in the male dominance hierarchy, so are not taught to despair until well into adulthood. When they are ultimately made aware that they are not Disney princesses, they have not built up an emotional callus like men have, resulting in regret, anxiety & depression. In frustration, they lash out at society, particularly scapegoating men who seem aloof & sanguine, not understanding that men are quietly subdued because they are already intimately acquainted with desperation.