Dr. Martin Hash Podcast

Our personal relationships with other people are dictated by mostly unacknowledged motives that require self-awareness to recognize and comprehend. One glaring example that no one ever seems to notice is that the nuclear family is at its essence, Marxist: strong authoritarian leaders, from those according to their ability to those according to their need, equality. In fact, your family members think you owe them: the biggest culprits are your siblings, followed by your parents; even your grown children can be guilty. To some extent, even your acquaintances also have this attitude, which makes relationships fraught with unvoiced resentments, envy & anger. Spouses are excused because you made an explicit contract with them that indeed means you do owe them.

This spiderweb of implied obligation originates from everyone's natural self-centeredness, the profound belief that we, every one of us, is the center of the universe and everyone else exists only insofar as they benefit us. If you don't recognize that this is what is going on then you can be captured in the thrall of someone else; become their enabler and servant rather than pursuing goals that are best for you. Instead you’ve got to keep your relationships symbiotic rather than parasitic. You owe it to yourself not to be held in emotional blackmail, especially like a family member can exert. Sometimes the only solution is distance and proscribed contact; separation does indeed make the heart grow fonder.