The Family Thread - Letters from Home

[SuburbanFarmer]

Well now that Clubby has bumped the thread.... How was everyone's Easter?
Any out of control easter egg hunts?

Mine was pretty chill. We're working on getting the kids used to doing heavier chores now that they are both teens. The girl is better at this. The boy whines a lot... We're breaking him down tho.

Took my son to the Disney store, and let him go crazy for a bit. He ran out the door clutching a TowMater toy - we caught him 2 doors down in Victoria's Secret

Had a great visit from Dad, spent some good times around the house, relaxing.

[Ex-California]

Easter was good, I went to work on Saturday night and just slept through the whole shift and took Sunday night off

Then we packed up the car and went down to San Diego for brunch, and stayed at the hotel there. Went to the hotel pool, wandered around at the beach, and then chilled out.

I woke up in the AM and surfed with a buddy, then we went back home and I was back to work last night.

Now its time to teach the wife that we have to be more frugal due to the new house and tax bill from her job....

[DrYouth]

I woke up in the AM and surfed with a buddy...

Surfing is on the bucket list.
I don't have all that much on there.... But surfing is on there.

[DrYouth]

- we caught him 2 doors down in Victoria's Secret

Fist bump?

[Fife]

cold shower

[DrYouth]

So my wife is having trouble these days... and therefore so am I.

She was raised in an authoritarian household where she was in the classic Cinderalla situation.... without the step-mom.

Her Mom went to get her hair done while she expected the kids to do most of the chores.

My wife worked hard, got good grades and left home early.

So now we have kids.... entering their teens...

Not surprisingly my wife wanted for our kids what she never had...
Care, attention, support.

Also not surprisingly she went towards the opposite extreme...
Doing for them, serving them, expecting less than what they could deliver, overprotecting them...

And now comes the backlash.

They are of course more entitled and far less industrious than she was and is.

I have to say, that as far as most teenagers these days they are far from the worst of the lot.
The girl gets great marks and for the most part is willing to help when asked... although she gives her mom attitude... she IS 13.
The boy loves nature and science, he's not an ambitious student though... likes to socialize... and his work ethic is problematic.
But he does as he's told and he obeys curfew and screen time rules.

And yet we are at the point where the wife is cracking under the pressure of the early teens.
As Dad, I'm caught in the middle. The kids are exactly as they were raised to be.
You reap what you sow.
Fine to expect more... but you got to parent them that way for them to turn out how they turn out.
Can't just expect them to turn on a dime.

I'll keep you posted. (A shrink has to vent somewhere...)

[SuburbanFarmer]

So my wife is having trouble these days... and therefore so am I.

She was raised in an authoritarian household where she was in the classic Cinderalla situation.... without the step-mom.

Her Mom went to get her hair done while she expected the kids to do most of the chores.

My wife worked hard, got good grades and left home early.

That's pretty far from "cinderella". Sounds like a good parent - giving the kids responsibility for themselves, and duties to perform.

At least you can throw it in her face later. :p

[doc_loliday]

It's hard to imagine teenagers giving their rents attitude.





From your description your kids sound pretty good.

[MilSpecs]

So my wife is having trouble these days... and therefore so am I.

She was raised in an authoritarian household where she was in the classic Cinderalla situation.... without the step-mom.

Her Mom went to get her hair done while she expected the kids to do most of the chores.

My wife worked hard, got good grades and left home early.

So now we have kids.... entering their teens...

Not surprisingly my wife wanted for our kids what she never had...
Care, attention, support.

Also not surprisingly she went towards the opposite extreme...
Doing for them, serving them, expecting less than what they could deliver, overprotecting them...

And now comes the backlash.

They are of course more entitled and far less industrious than she was and is.

I have to say, that as far as most teenagers these days they are far from the worst of the lot.
The girl gets great marks and for the most part is willing to help when asked... although she gives her mom attitude... she IS 13.
The boy loves nature and science, he's not an ambitious student though... likes to socialize... and his work ethic is problematic.
But he does as he's told and he obeys curfew and screen time rules.

And yet we are at the point where the wife is cracking under the pressure of the early teens.
As Dad, I'm caught in the middle. The kids are exactly as they were raised to be.
You reap what you sow.
Fine to expect more... but you got to parent them that way for them to turn out how they turn out.
Can't just expect them to turn on a dime.

I'll keep you posted. (A shrink has to vent somewhere...)

Or as my husband says, "My wife spoiled the kids."

I think those of us who grew up under the iron fist have a horror of making our children unhappy. Sometimes we don't know the difference between misery and temporary discomfort. I should have asked myself more often if I was making decisions for the kids based on their long-term wellbeing or my discomfort with their discomfort. I'm guessing you've already said this to your wife.

[Martin Hash]

Teenagers are a crap shoot. Except for providing consistency & example, I don’t think parents can do a damn thing. BIGGEST WORRY: that they move away & only visit on Christmas. Sex roles are important too: your daughter is your wife’s, and your son is yours. If at 30, you son asks your opinion on a big purchase, you succeeded.