What Are You Guys Getting Me for My Birthday?

[heydaralon]

Birthday Bump.


I must confess, I am a bit alarmed. Only Penner has offered me any birthday presents. This is quite disgraceful on the part of the entire forum. I create quality, thought provoking content, I moderate this board for free and flag offensive posts, and I ask for nothing in return. Except a birthday present from each of you. If you have less than 1000 posts, disregard this message. For the rest of you, this is a kindly reminder to be less selfish this holiday season and to do the right thing. It will not be easy, getting me what I want (PM me for a birthday present suggestion list), going to the post office, and sending my gift by way of mail and waiting for my PM thank you note. And please, overnight shipping only. I am very demanding in that sense, but the rewards are nothing to sniff at. Everyone who sends me a birthday present will receive a hand-typed thank you note via PM, a thread dedicated to them with me explaining what I got, how I like the present, and if I returned it for cash to buy some form of intoxicant (please mail the receipts for this present or that reason, as there is no guarantee that I will be satisfied). I will be polite in these threads. I appreciate the gesture, but I'm also gonna be honest. If I don't like this well-warranted gift, I will tell you in the nicest possible way and suggest a better present next birthday season. The stakes are high folks, and I won't pretend this isn't the case. Don't half ass it. Money is always a good place to start. I am 30 years old. I should not have to beg online for birthday gifts, but the stinginess on this forum is quite disconcerting. You only get one birthday per year, and I have every intention of using all parts of the buffalo. I'm going to milk the birthday cow until the udders run dry. Please rise to occasion and give the birthday boy what he wants. If there is any charitable part of your heart left, find it, and send me some stuff. I won't forget it. Thank you all for everything you do. I have a feeling that this birthday will be in my top five!

[SuburbanFarmer]

I have squash.

[heydaralon]

I have squash.

You are not getting off the hook that easy GCF. If you want to mail me a squash a birthday down payment, I will accept that. Just know that you will need to get a better present in the near future. I can send you some friendly reminders if you forget. Please don't take this the wrong way. I know that deep down you are a good person, but I need these birthday presents. I am attempting to devise a way to help starving Africans, and if I don't feel appreciated I'm not sure I will have the motivation to keep attempting to help those in need. Now that I've laid all my cards on the table, hopefully you will understand the importance of this thread!

[SuburbanFarmer]

I have squash.

You are not getting off the hook that easy GCF. If you want to mail me a squash a birthday down payment, I will accept that. Just know that you will need to get a better present in the near future. I can send you some friendly reminders if you forget. Please don't take this the wrong way. I know that deep down you are a good person, but I need these birthday presents. I am attempting to devise a way to help starving Africans, and if I don't feel appreciated I'm not sure I will have the motivation to keep attempting to help those in need. Now that I've laid all my cards on the table, hopefully you will understand the importance of this thread!

Ok. Some squash, and I'll throw in a jar of wheat berries. For I am magnanimous.

[Montegriffo]

I have squash.

You are not getting off the hook that easy GCF. If you want to mail me a squash a birthday down payment, I will accept that. Just know that you will need to get a better present in the near future. I can send you some friendly reminders if you forget. Please don't take this the wrong way. I know that deep down you are a good person, but I need these birthday presents. I am attempting to devise a way to help starving Africans, and if I don't feel appreciated I'm not sure I will have the motivation to keep attempting to help those in need. Now that I've laid all my cards on the table, hopefully you will understand the importance of this thread!

Ok. Some squash, and I'll throw in a jar of wheat berries. For I am magnanimous.

Don't fall for his African ''charity'' scam Grumps. He's going to keep 90% of your squash to cover ''administration costs''. Send it to me at,

Montegriffo
Big white truck
Land of the Iceni
England
Europe (for now)
84U 2B F'd

I'll make sure it goes to a deserving cause.

[SuburbanFarmer]

Europe (for now)

[heydaralon]

Guys my birthday is only a few days away, and I'm getting worried. I have not even received a card. Please do not make me beg. Its unbecoming. I thought you guys were good people. I am quickly learning that appearances can be deceiving, and that some folks do not help out their friends. If you all chipped in 20 bucks, I would be able to treat myself to a well deserved birthday bash. Don't insult me and pretend that you don't have the money either. We both know that's a lie. The problem with you people is that you are too fixated on materialistic things. The holidays are coming up, and a big part of the Christmas spirit is to think less of yourself and more about others. Why not rise to the challenge?

It is better to give than to receive, so by giving me money, I am giving you the opportunity to be the better man. Will you take me up on this? Think about the feeling of satisfaction you will feel in performing a selfless act. Perhaps you folks can't even imagine that kind of generosity. It may sting a little bit at first, giving a person on the internet money, but your heart will soon swell to the point of bursting at the joy in sacrificing for a good cause. That is my gift to you. You can walk tall this month, because you did what was asked of you, and you went above and beyond the $20 I suggested. Maybe I will be surprised at how much money I got. I hope I am. I'm getting pretty tired of reminding you.

[C-Mag]

I don't give a Fuck, I'm not sending you anything. But I am surprised that our bleeding hearts members haven't donated to you yet.

I would have thought Penner & Kath would have sent money, GCF a bucket of wheat and Monte a British slave girl in a hijab........ but nothing...


Strange.

[heydaralon]

Birthdays are supposed to be fun, but your heartless comments have just about ruined mine. I was expecting a good gift from you, but now you are telling me that you aren't going to send anything. Please tell me I'm reading this wrong.

[C-Mag]

Fuck your Birthday Celebration, you are demonstrating nothing but White privilege. You should be giving to minorities, the sexual confused and Palestinian rage this year.