Personal Blog

[TheReal_ND]

Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

[pineapplemike]

[Ex-California]

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

[Martin Hash]

I thought of starting a blog but I noticed if you spell it backwards, it's kind of icky.

[TheReal_ND]

I went to school and obtained a pyschiatric degree. Upon completing the two year course I gained a startling level of intuition and psychic ability, despite already being a genius. I've been fired from a few jobs due to what I can only chalk up to jealousy and the high level of success I achieved with my therapy clients. I am able to diagnose my friends simply and often times manage to do it over the course of lunch and dinner. I always, always, make sure and keep the diagnosis confidential and never talk about them with anyone else.

[Martin Hash]

Would you like me to diagnose you? I’d do it for free.

[TheReal_ND]

I'm a high level genius trapped in a world of halfwits.

[Martin Hash]

That’s not enough to go on. Have someone feel the bumps on your skull and get back to me.

[Fife]

I'm a high level genius trapped in a world of halfwits.

It's the midwits who will kill you.


You better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim

[Montegriffo]

That’s not enough to go on. Have someone feel the bumps on your skull and get back to me.

You have a doctorate in phrenology too?