The Family Thread - Letters from Home

[Smitty-48]

So my wife is having trouble these days... and therefore so am I.

She was raised in an authoritarian household where she was in the classic Cinderalla situation.... without the step-mom.

Her Mom went to get her hair done while she expected the kids to do most of the chores.

My wife worked hard, got good grades and left home early.

So now we have kids.... entering their teens...

Not surprisingly my wife wanted for our kids what she never had...
Care, attention, support.

Also not surprisingly she went towards the opposite extreme...
Doing for them, serving them, expecting less than what they could deliver, overprotecting them...

And now comes the backlash.

They are of course more entitled and far less industrious than she was and is.

I have to say, that as far as most teenagers these days they are far from the worst of the lot.
The girl gets great marks and for the most part is willing to help when asked... although she gives her mom attitude... she IS 13.
The boy loves nature and science, he's not an ambitious student though... likes to socialize... and his work ethic is problematic.
But he does as he's told and he obeys curfew and screen time rules.

And yet we are at the point where the wife is cracking under the pressure of the early teens.
As Dad, I'm caught in the middle. The kids are exactly as they were raised to be.
You reap what you sow.
Fine to expect more... but you got to parent them that way for them to turn out how they turn out.
Can't just expect them to turn on a dime.

I'll keep you posted. (A shrink has to vent somewhere...)

Everybody wants to be the good cop, nobody wants to be the bad cop.

[C-Mag]

It's time for Bad Cop ^^^ or Tough Love, whatever you want to call it.

A good policy is, don't change the policy until you sit them down and let them know life is changing. It's pretty easy, I've had this conversation with my own kids a couple times. First time is the worst. Just lay out to them how lucky they are, blah, blah, and tell them that they are getting older and need to be prepared for real life. So, Mom and I are now going to expect, X, Y and Z from them.

Then, as you know, gotta stick to it.

[Smitty-48]

Nah, I say reverse psychology.

No bad cop, no good cop, no cops at all, free reign. Land the helicopter on the deck, and step away.

Don't make a big deal about it, or they'll catch on, just pull back and see what they do with it.

[Martin Hash]

Nah, I say reverse psychology.

No bad cop, no good cop, no cops at all, free reign. Land the helicopter on the deck, and step away.

Don't make a big deal about it, or they'll catch on, just pull back and see what they do with it.

That was my house. Still is. Still see my kids all the time. They are all fearless.

[DrYouth]

Nah, I say reverse psychology.

No bad cop, no good cop, no cops at all, free reign. Land the helicopter on the deck, and step away.

Don't make a big deal about it, or they'll catch on, just pull back and see what they do with it.

I have no idea what this means...

What does "land the helicopter on the deck" mean in real life?

[DrYouth]

From your description your kids sound pretty good.

I mean that's the thing, they are...

But of course they could be better.

Actually it went perfectly last night.

My wife and I got back from our "date"... having a drink while waiting to pick my daughter up from gymnastics... where we discussed strategy.

When we got home my son had put off the chores that his mom asked him to do.

She snapped into action and informed he would have no ride on Sunday...

So he's grounded from the activity he was looking forward to that day.

Big meltdown, no result.

She's doing it. She just needs more practice being an Iron Lady. It doesn't come naturally.

[Smitty-48]

She's doing it. She just needs more practice being an Iron Lady. It doesn't come naturally.

Why does she always have to be the Iron Lady? When are you gonna step up and put a bit o' stick about?

Maybe she's stressed out, cause you're just ducking it and letting her soak up all the heat.

She has to be Tiger Mom, while you get to be Buddy Dad?

She gets vilified as Margaret Thatcher while you swan about playing Sigmund Freud?

[DrYouth]

Why does she always have to be the Iron Lady? When are you gonna step up and put a bit o' stick about?

Maybe she's stressed out, cause you're just ducking it and letting her soak up all the heat.

She has to be Tiger Mom, while you get to be Buddy Dad?

She gets vilified as Margaret Thatcher while you swan about playing Sigmund Freud?

LOL

She's the one home with them all day! (She wanted to home school them this year! )

She WANTS them to listen to her but they don't.

They listen to me just fine already.

Her problem is the attitude they give her... and they do. I can't deny it.

If I crack down on them for her... they won't respect her any more.

She wants to get their respect... and this is the only way to do that.

They already respect me, that's not the problem.

[Smitty-48]

Why does she always have to be the Iron Lady? When are you gonna step up and put a bit o' stick about?

Maybe she's stressed out, cause you're just ducking it and letting her soak up all the heat.

She has to be Tiger Mom, while you get to be Buddy Dad?

She gets vilified as Margaret Thatcher while you swan about playing Sigmund Freud?

LOL

She's the one home with them all day! (She wanted to home school them this year! )

She WANTS them to listen to her but they don't.

They listen to me just fine already.

Her problem is the attitude they give her... and they do. I can't deny it.

If I crack down on them for her... they won't respect her any more.

She wants to get their respect... and this is the only way to do that.

They already respect me, that's not the problem.

Oh yeah sure, she's home with them all day, soaking up the heat as Maggie Thatcher, then you get to come home and be the Good Doctor Freud

"Poor little felwas, show Doctor on the doll where the bad lady whupped yeas."

You ain't foolin me, Doc. Your passive voice gives it away, you talk about it like you're some sort of third party observer.

[Smitty-48]

Teenagers are disrespectful by nature, they're testing the limits, it's not that they don't respect her as a mom, she's just the one being thrown into the breach to be the disciplinarian, and that can wear you out, if its all day every day.

If it was my wife, I would back her up, "if I come home and hear one more time, that you were giving your momma trouble, then Sergeant-Major Smitty's gonna have to start cracking the whip around here, and you'll be pining for the good ol' days of the Iron Lady then, I promise you".

Just wait till your father gets home, is a thing, where I come from at least.