My son....the felon

[TheReal_ND]

Honestly I don't know but he said the military won't accept anyone with PTSD. I know there are several veterans here. Does anyone know? He claims that he has recurring nightmares. Am I an asshole because I think he should suck it up? Sometimes I think I'm too tough and then sit like this happens.

Parenting sucks

Mama said I would pay for being a shitty kid

Honestly he could just be snowing you

[Speaker to Animals]

I was witness to a homicide in 2002. It kind of fucked with me for a year or two. For I think about four to five years I would occasionally wake up to a gunshot. It wasn't like in the movies where I was traumatized or anything. I would just wake up to the sound of a gunshot, bounce out of bed, and was like oh this shit again. That too went away.

The military is full of people with PTSD. I am not sure their position on it now, but I would avoid any diagnoses to that effect. Doctors hand that shit out all the time and then society makes out like it's a big deal. For some it obviously is, but for most people I think it just goes away in time.

[Kill the King]

That's the thing. is he just bullshitting? I don't know. Being his Dad I want to believe him. I don't know.


Thanks for the advice

[Speaker to Animals]

Based on what you described, I think he is probably not bullshitting, but he might be using it as an excuse to abuse drugs and rip his life apart. You'd have to ask DrY about that.

[SuburbanFarmer]

You probably should be as honest as you’ve ever been with him (once appropriate punishment is completed). He needs to know that you were stupid too, and that his life is not over. Don’t let him see a tunnel, when his life is just beginning.

No. The last thing he needs is an enabler or a bleeding heart best buddy.

Also, don't take any advice from millennials. They have no idea how to parent and have some of the worst parents themselves.

You misunderstand me. The kid is almost 18 years old. The time for daddy enforcement is nearly over. He needs to know that this event won’t determine the rest of his life, and that people do dumb shit and turn it around.

I just picture someone thinking about the future and saying ‘well fuck it, I already blew it’ and going down the hole.

[clubgop]

If I’d been caught for half the things I did as a teen/early 20s, I’d be dead or in jail.
Never attempted a robbery, but just saying that he can definitely turn it around.

Why, you haven't.

[clubgop]

KTK, don't just give up on the military idea because of that comment. Every state's laws are different regarding juvenile offenses and pre-trial diversion, &c. You need to talk to a competent attorney in your town, ASAP. Get someone who knows the law AND the local juvenile court judge to give you the straight dope so you can evaluate options with your son.

You're in a tactical situation right now -- Get competent advice immediately on what your best options are. Deal with incoming fire and then focus on big picture stuff.





Thanks. Met with an assigned probation officer, because he's a juvenile, today. She said it's most likely to be 6 months probation. I think they have some sympathy for him.

A little background: about two years ago his best friend was killed I'm front of him. It was a robbery/drug deal. His friend was selling some pot. Another kid (in the rival high school) agreed to buy it. They met at a park. The kid from the rival high school drove up in a van. (Sorry if its confusing) my son and his friend got into the van. They attempted to rob my friends son. He pulls out a fake gun. The others pull out REAL guns and kill my sons friend. They instruct my son to remove the body. He does. They leave. He calls cops.


Stupid teenagers. I did stupid shit too. Beer runs happened. I'm not telling him that....its a different world

Holy crap, are you or anybody close religious? Take him to church. He's lucky to be alive. There has to be reason he is still here or at least he needs to be convinced that there is. Also, the attorney thing, do it.

[DrYouth]

Honestly I don't know but he said the military won't accept anyone with PTSD. I know there are several veterans here. Does anyone know? He claims that he has recurring nightmares. Am I an asshole because I think he should suck it up? Sometimes I think I'm too tough and then sit like this happens.

Parenting sucks

Mama said I would pay for being a shitty kid

Hi KtK...

PTSD means your son hasn't got closure on that incident.
He hasn't processed the intense fear he would have experienced in that situation.
So he has to repress the emotion to get on with life.
It's why war vets often have trouble returning to peace time. It's easier to stay in the war zone, where the memories don't return.
The peace is harder than the war.
Your son is recreating the war zone in his day to day life... that's how he is "sucking it up".

Provide him the safety he needs to fall apart.
It will be messy. There will be pain, fear, anger, tears and shaking... that is a good sign. Stand by him. And he will process the trauma... and be able to move on.
Don't medicate it. Don't support him drugging it in any way. Support him in falling apart and recognizing he survived and help him take reasonable account of his own choices. Healthy not toxic responsibility. In the war zone responsibility is always computed in 100% ways... all my fault or all their fault... there is no in-between in life and death situations. In the peace, there is pain, but you can recompute the responsibility once you calm down.

He is trying to numb the fear and pain with hostility, acting out and causing shit... basically staying in the adrenaline of "war time"... where there is less pain and more blame and acting out.

[BjornP]

Sounds like he could benefit from a change of scenery after serving whatever time he needs. Help him by maybe contacting people, former fellow co-workers or bosses of companies you think could be open to taking on a kid with a spotty criminal record. After you're done doing the required lawyer stuff, and what I'm sure is sensible psychiatric advice from DrY, he'll need some stability to start a fresh - and if he could get some place in a new town, community, city, etc. where he won't run into the same associates in his day to day life, maybe it would be easier for him to start over? It's just a thought.

[heydaralon]

Obviously he's been on restrictions. Tonight he ran into a convenience store and stole a couple of bottles of liquor. A good samaritan fought him and my son knocked out his tooth. He has such been arrested. He's going down a bad path, obviously. Appreciate any thoughts

See if you can steer him towards something like Martial Arts or boxing. Take his testosterone and use it for something balanced or constructive. True story, I had a buddy who got into various legal troubles over the years. He didn't commit crimes because he needed the money or desperate, he was bored, and had poor impulse control. He started doing indoor rock climbing, and he really got into it. It wasn't a silver bullet. He still had some issues awhile back, but it seemed to give him a sensation he liked that replaced the bad shit, and he managed to stay out of trouble for years. I did it with him a few times and it was fun. Maybe try to find some kind of activity like that, be it rockclimbing, whitewater rafting, or boxing and do it him. It may not work, but you can also use that time alone with him to bond and just get him to open up about why he engages in self destructive behavior.