Home Renovation

[Xenophon]

Meh. You don't know me.

True. But it sickens me to see the fraud you're perpetrating on the mother of your children, and your children. You may be providing for them, but the trauma of a loveless home and a duplicitous father will do more than enough damage to them to neutralize whatever security your work provides them.

But whatevs, right? Keep whining about not getting free money from the Man or whatever it is you're on about. It's all rooted in selfishness on your part anyways.

There is no fraud here, and I don't recall whining about anything - certainly not money from "The Man".

She's a good mother, and a somewhat solid partner. Just useless to me for romance. she was raised in a very conservative family, where emotions are completely suppressed. I'm of a similar stripe - like 2 negative poles on a magnet. I needed stability, she needed support, and we compliment each other in a way.

I just crave a partner that shows more human emotion. I've gotten used to it, and it's not ideal, and I've made no secret of my feels. But the kids matter above all, and so it goes on. We both wanted a big family, and now we are gonna get it. Ses la vie.

I'm not happy romantically, but I have everything else I ever wanted, and it's good enough for now. I'm never going to allow my kids to go through what I did, and I think they'll be pretty well off. If you disagree, that's fine. But you don't know me.

Fair enough.

[MilSpecs]

She's a good mother, and a somewhat solid partner. Just useless to me for romance. she was raised in a very conservative family, where emotions are completely suppressed. I'm of a similar stripe - like 2 negative poles on a magnet. I needed stability, she needed support, and we compliment each other in a way.

I just crave a partner that shows more human emotion. I've gotten used to it, and it's not ideal, and I've made no secret of my feels. But the kids matter above all, and so it goes on. We both wanted a big family, and now we are gonna get it. Ses la vie.

I'm not happy romantically, but I have everything else I ever wanted, and it's good enough for now. I'm never going to allow my kids to go through what I did, and I think they'll be pretty well off. If you disagree, that's fine. But you don't know me.

For God's sake, go for counselling. There is no reason things have to stay like this and your children need to see that their parents are willing to work towards change just as much as they need stability. They will become what they see, so you owe it to them to try. Sorry for butting in, gcf, but this broke my heart to read.

[Xenophon]

She's a good mother, and a somewhat solid partner. Just useless to me for romance. she was raised in a very conservative family, where emotions are completely suppressed. I'm of a similar stripe - like 2 negative poles on a magnet. I needed stability, she needed support, and we compliment each other in a way.

I just crave a partner that shows more human emotion. I've gotten used to it, and it's not ideal, and I've made no secret of my feels. But the kids matter above all, and so it goes on. We both wanted a big family, and now we are gonna get it. Ses la vie.

I'm not happy romantically, but I have everything else I ever wanted, and it's good enough for now. I'm never going to allow my kids to go through what I did, and I think they'll be pretty well off. If you disagree, that's fine. But you don't know me.

For God's sake, go for counselling. There is no reason things have to stay like this and your children need to see that their parents are willing to work towards change just as much as they need stability. They will become what they see, so you owe it to them to try. Sorry for butting in, gcf, but this broke my heart to read.

[Penner]

There's no good alternative, anyway.

We've explained this to you already. Condoms. You keep breeding with a woman you despise. Some w would call that insanity. WTF!

I got a little too excited about the Cubbies winning. Did not expect freakin twins from that.

Anyway, tubes are being tied shortly. No more of that silliness.

A couple of guys that I know in real life got vasectomies (or better described as "sniped") or want to get them sometime in the future (sometimes the doctor won't give you that because they feel that you are way to young to get one...).

[SuburbanFarmer]

She's a good mother, and a somewhat solid partner. Just useless to me for romance. she was raised in a very conservative family, where emotions are completely suppressed. I'm of a similar stripe - like 2 negative poles on a magnet. I needed stability, she needed support, and we compliment each other in a way.

I just crave a partner that shows more human emotion. I've gotten used to it, and it's not ideal, and I've made no secret of my feels. But the kids matter above all, and so it goes on. We both wanted a big family, and now we are gonna get it. Ses la vie.

I'm not happy romantically, but I have everything else I ever wanted, and it's good enough for now. I'm never going to allow my kids to go through what I did, and I think they'll be pretty well off. If you disagree, that's fine. But you don't know me.

For God's sake, go for counselling. There is no reason things have to stay like this and your children need to see that their parents are willing to work towards change just as much as they need stability. They will become what they see, so you owe it to them to try. Sorry for butting in, gcf, but this broke my heart to read.

I'm not against it, I guess. I'm just trooping my way through though. I don't imagine she's capable of that level of change.

Curious though - what exactly is so sad about it to you? My kid and hers get no shortage of devotion and hugs from me.

[Speaker to Animals]

What I find sad is how many people put transitory emotional feelings before the welfare of their children. Romantic love comes and goes. It's not the basis of a family.

[SuburbanFarmer]

What I find sad is how many people put transitory emotional feelings before the welfare of their children. Romantic love comes and goes. It's not the basis of a family.

We're programmed to do so from birth. "Happily Ever After..."

[MilSpecs]

Of course she's capable of change - that is just contemptuous. Do you think the kids won't pick up that you feel contempt for their mother? And I understand that anger can make us feel that way, as well as a sense of hopelessness that leads to anger, but contempt is so damaging. She may be suffering from depression. There are things that can help with depression. Stagnancy can only make it worse.

I find the situation sad because you just can't hide it from the kids, no matter how hard you try. They always know and they have a high probability of repeating the pattern in their own relationships some day. Conversely, love between parents is like a light that warms the whole family. Not just passion or romance, but caring and warmth. Like any other healthy behavior, it can be learned and passed on.

I'm a pretty flawed vessel to carry this message, being an innately emotionally lazy person, but you do owe your children to try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[SuburbanFarmer]

Of course she's capable of change - that is just contemptuous. Do you think the kids won't pick up that you feel contempt for their mother? And I understand that anger can make us feel that way, as well as a sense of hopelessness that leads to anger, but contempt is so damaging. She may be suffering from depression. There are things that can help with depression. Stagnancy can only make it worse.

I find the situation sad because you just can't hide it from the kids, no matter how hard you try. They always know and they have a high probability of repeating the pattern in their own relationships some day. Conversely, love between parents is like a light that warms the whole family. Not just passion or romance, but caring and warmth. Like any other healthy behavior, it can be learned and passed on.

I'm a pretty flawed vessel to carry this message, being an innately emotionally lazy person, but you do owe your children to try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Well, I didn't mean to turn this into a family therapy thread, but it's really not that simple.

I kinda fucked off for a decade after high school, wasted a lot of time professionally, drank a lot, had awesome flings and such - largely because I had no idea how to conduct a healthy relationship. I got my heart busted up pretty badly twice in a row, and kind of went off the deep end over it.

Anyway, I recognized that Florida was poisonous to me (and, to some degree my family), so I shipped out to Ohio, and started over. I wanted a simple country girl, and I got one - I just pictured it being a lot more romance, and less 'getting by'. Anyway, I stuck around too long, and happened into a family. Now I've got 2 more on the way, and I'm not too upset about it, just worried about finances.

I had more than my share of fun, and love has never really worked out anyway. I guess I'll continue adapting until I don't even think about it anymore. I know I'm probably giving some confusion to the kids, but it's certainly better than the life they'd get in Section 8, or a trailer. I can provide stability, and a comfortable life for them. Without her to stay home, they'd be in daycare all day - definitely not a good life. Besides, it's not the worst thing for them to learn to sacrifice for their kids as well.

So, I'll keep on trooping through it. Porn is free, and life goes on. It's not ideal, but it's no tragedy either - could be a whole lot worse. I suppose it's just the Human Condition that I can't have everything I want, and that probably doesn't exist anyway. The house is warm, and I love the kids. That's good enough.

[Speaker to Animals]

What I find sad is how many people put transitory emotional feelings before the welfare of their children. Romantic love comes and goes. It's not the basis of a family.

We're programmed to do so from birth. "Happily Ever After..."

As near as I can tell, this delusion dates back to the high middle ages with troubadour/courtly culture. It's really a terrible basis for a marriage or family. Romantic attraction can come and go. It's not a basis for a damned thing.

We have millions upon millions of children being alienated from parents and growing up with the shit statistics associated with divorce and broken homes because somebody doesn't "feel" in love anymore.