2017 Darwin of the year award candidates

[Fife]

Hmmp... shoulda pissed on the fire first?

[Okeefenokee]

The moment I found the flashlight on the seat so I could find the switch on the dashboard to turn on the lights, and realized we had stopped less than a foot from driving off of a cliff. We laughed our asses off.

That time on prom night, when we ran out of beer in the lead truck traveling down a gravel road at speeds varying from 45-60; and I crawl out the window into the bed, then got the trail truck to come up so I could jump on the hood, get beer and go back.

Memories,

[Okeefenokee]

Hmmp... shoulda pissed on the fire first?

Not a dangerous story,

First Bradley Gunnery. Fort Hood in February. Broken heater. Ass frozen off. Assigned to fire detail to put out range fires. Fire fighting gear broken. Walking around burning landscape pissing on burning logs. Enjoying being warm. Happy 21st. Still got the scorched boots.

[katarn]

In a National Forest that may or may not have had a fire ban. We were camping, and dinner was to be cooked in the embers of a fire. The plan required a long burning fire with embers, so I had a good pile of wood nearby. Think the beacons of Gondor from the Lord of the Rings, but a little smaller. It was getting late to be starting, and my father had a canister of obsolete gasoline, so I used it to help start the fire. It doesn't take too well, and, being a young idiot, I decide to pour more fuel on the barely-burning fire. The predictable happens and I'm holding a torch.
I put the lid on the can to deprive it of oxygen, and my father's shouts remind me I'm holding a Molotov, so I take the lid off and throw it in the only place to put a can of burning gasoline---- In the fire. I jump back in time to keep my eyebrows, but the grass around the fire pit lights up a bit, and the trail of twigs I left like a dynamite fuse to the wood stock ignites too.
I stamp out the 'fuse' with my foot, then thank the heavens when the breeze dies and the grass goes out on its own. A few minutes later, a ranger truck drives by on the road nearby.

[SuburbanFarmer]

Peeling out of high school at 17, doing about 70 and fucking with my CDs. Look up and see a school bus stopped dead about 30 yds ahead. Swerve into other lane and miraculously don't kill anyone.

A year later, delivering pizzas, waiting to turn left on the same road, fucking with my CDs. Start to turn and get nailed by a group of kids doing 80. Car splits in half, absorbing much of the impact. Front half and I skid to a stop on the other side of the road. I get out, very much in shock.

Neck fractured, facial bones and jaw broken. Getting CT scan, and cop comes in to hand my mother a ticket. Manage to raise middle finger and mumble "fuck you" before passing out.

[SilverEagle]

Peeling out of high school at 17, doing about 70 and fucking with my CDs. Look up and see a school bus stopped dead about 30 yds ahead. Swerve into other lane and miraculously don't kill anyone.

A year later, delivering pizzas, waiting to turn left on the same road, fucking with my CDs. Start to turn and get nailed by a group of kids doing 80. Car splits in half, absorbing much of the impact. Front half and I skid to a stop on the other side of the road. I get out, very much in shock.

Neck fractured, facial bones and jaw broken. Getting CT scan, and cop comes in to hand my mother a ticket. Manage to raise middle finger and mumble "fuck you" before passing out.

#CDLISTENERSLIVESMATTER

[SuburbanFarmer]

Peeling out of high school at 17, doing about 70 and fucking with my CDs. Look up and see a school bus stopped dead about 30 yds ahead. Swerve into other lane and miraculously don't kill anyone.

A year later, delivering pizzas, waiting to turn left on the same road, fucking with my CDs. Start to turn and get nailed by a group of kids doing 80. Car splits in half, absorbing much of the impact. Front half and I skid to a stop on the other side of the road. I get out, very much in shock.

Neck fractured, facial bones and jaw broken. Getting CT scan, and cop comes in to hand my mother a ticket. Manage to raise middle finger and mumble "fuck you" before passing out.

#CDLISTENERSLIVESMATTER

Thank god for satellite radio and bluetooth. Probably saved thousands of lives...

[C-Mag]

Hmmp... shoulda pissed on the fire first?

Not a dangerous story,

First Bradley Gunnery. Fort Hood in February. Broken heater. Ass frozen off. Assigned to fire detail to put out range fires. Fire fighting gear broken. Walking around burning landscape pissing on burning logs. Enjoying being warm. Happy 21st. Still got the scorched boots.

So, you got out of your 26 tons of cold steel to warm up in a range fire, nice. Putting out range fires with a Bradley is fun. Drive into the middle of the fire and pivot steer.