THE ERA OF TRUMP

[TheReal_ND]

There existed no such thing as literal interpretation of all the scripture in the Bible until the 19th century.

Do you think we believed Jonah literally lived in a whale for three days or do you think it was a story that foreshadowed the Resurrection?

Yes.

Yeah man, /bonghit That story Jesus told about the master and his slaves. True story. Jesus owned slaves. He didn't come right out and say it was him, but we know who he was talking about.

JUDEN RAUS

[Speaker to Animals]

There existed no such thing as literal interpretation of all the scripture in the Bible until the 19th century.

Do you think we believed Jonah literally lived in a whale for three days or do you think it was a story that foreshadowed the Resurrection?

Yes.

Then you are a fucking idiot.

[Okeefenokee]

Then there was this other story where some dude knocks on his neighbor's door at night and asks if he can use his wifi. /bonghit Totally happened. The dude was uploading a youtube video and made his neighbor wait til it was done.

[SuburbanFarmer]

There existed no such thing as literal interpretation of all the scripture in the Bible until the 19th century.

Do you think we believed Jonah literally lived in a whale for three days or do you think it was a story that foreshadowed the Resurrection?

Yes.

Then you are a fucking idiot.

I hope you confess to slander, when you make your weekly visit to the local rapist.

[TheReal_ND]

Coming from the same guy that views hormone replacement "therapy" on par with diet pills or lipo that's pretty rich. Idiot

[Okeefenokee]

I was reading this one the other day where Jesus was telling his disciples how to make bread. I'm pretty sure it was vegan. /bonghit

[Speaker to Animals]

Song of Songs: literal story, bro.

[TheReal_ND]

Well how about this? Show us what we should be worshipping outside your butt hole because you're smarter than us. I'm just an ignorant pleb that believes in a higher power. How do I know it's not some cat butt hole? Could this be the higher purpose in life? Figuring out the ways and means of cat hole posters on the internet? Show us the way, wise seers of atheism, the one true religion.

[SuburbanFarmer]

nah, I never believed that shit, man. It was just, like, an allegory for the thing that happened a thousand years later, to a guy that they didn’t end up believing was the guy that it was about. /sign of the cross

Anyway, these guys throw their passenger overboard in a storm, right? And the storm goes away, so they’re cool. And so, like, the whale is Whale of Death, man. And, like, it swallowed him because he was dying, and kept him in an air pocket or some shit, and the whale didn’t eat. But that’s all, kind of a story about the 3-day resurrection.
/rubs ashes on face

So, Pinocchio is just like, another allegory for Jesus, man. But like, he’s really about us, and redemption, but like, you can find the truth within you, Dude.
/whips self with a cat o’nine

Goin to heaven, brot- “”HEY YOU FAGGOTS, BURN IN HELL!!!

But like, Jesus is Love, man.

[Hastur]

There existed no such thing as literal interpretation of all the scripture in the Bible until the 19th century.

Do you think we believed Jonah literally lived in a whale for three days or do you think it was a story that foreshadowed the Resurrection?

It's not even possible to take the scripture in Genesis literally because the book was composed from three different sources and the sources don't all agree.

Seriously, fuck off with your low-brow ignorant attempt to paint all of Christianity by the antics of some roadside redneck preacher man. Get out of here with that.

It would be like claiming we all believe in Arianism too.

I don't blame Islam for that. It was, as you said, the reformation. The translation of the bible and the printing press to distribute it to the masses. That was letting the genie out of the bottle. All these laymen, dime a dozen preachers with the sudden freedom to interpret the bible as they saw fit.