I told the guys at the office that I was going to be the General Contractor for the new house I'm building. "Like Gene Hackman's house in 'Unforgiven'?" asked Ken.
"You know, this isn't like programming," Marshall warned. "If you don't know what you're doing, people are going to be able to tell."
"We've built houses together before," I defended myself.
"Not 7500 square foot Taj Mahals we haven't… But I do have to be there when the guy riding the Cat cutting the pad gets a load of your sliver-tipped anaconda skin boots," chided Marshall.
"There's nothing wrong with my boots!"
…
First, I needed a surveyor. Looking through the phonebook I found "Bud's Surveying - 22 years experience." I wanted to get off to a good start so I called.
"Hash?" asked Bud when I got a hold of him. "Yeah, I've heard about your house - Disneyland."
"It's called 'Chateau Beaujolais.'"
"Yeah. Well, anyway it will be the perfect chance to use my new doodad. It's a computerized GPS-based measuring unit. I get the CAD files from your architect, input them into the machine, then I can shoot the perimeter faster and more accurately."
"That sounds great," I said.
"I love technology," Bud waxed philosophically.
"Uh, whatever," I grumbled. I have my own thoughts about technology.
I dropped by the site after it was supposed to be finished. There were lots of little flags sprouting from the ground. Walking closer, I looked a moment then immediately made a call.
"Bud. This is Martin Hash."
"Yeah, Martin. Hey! You seen that layout yet?” Bud asked excitedly. “With that new gadget, it went quick as a whistle. I was able to stake every corner of that Magic Castle of yours to within a millimeter. Faster too. I was..."
"Bud. Bud," I interrupted.
"Yeah?" he asked slowly.
"You got the house on the lot backwards."
p.s. The bulldozer driver told me, "Them's mighty fine boots ya got thar."
http://www.pciengineers.com/hash_residence.htm
Building My House 1999-2001
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Building My House 1999-2001
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