How to Fix Africa

[Martin Hash]

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During the first part of extended tour of Africa I concocted a list of recommendations to fix that enigmatic continent. In only a couple months I had quite a list: plenty of self-congratulations, a smidgen of smug superior; and patronizing like only White People can pull off. Here is my list in order of perceived importance.

1.Honest Government
2.Uncorrupted Police
3.Maintain Roads
4.Water
5.Electricity
6.Medical Care
7.Mandatory Schooling
8.Modern Farming Techniques
9.Rubbish Disposal
10.Sewers
11.Vendor Restrictions (zoning and no street hawkers)
12.Traffic Enforcement (obey stop signs and use lanes)
13.Building Codes (no cardboard or plastic sheets)
14.Property Rights (Western-style)
15.Local Government (Western-style)
16.Environmental Concerns (no denuding the landscape or decimating the wildlife)

But after a few months it became clear to me that, hubris aside, my own personal belief in free enterprise, local responsibility, and cultural tolerance were blatantly in conflict with the idea of any kind of list. Final conclusion: Africa will fix itself – everyone else mind their own business.

However, some suggestions are so practical they do not fall into the category of hypocrisy. In the David Letterman tradition, here are the real things that will help to “fix” Africa:

TOP 10 THINGS TO FIX AFRICA

10. Color coordinate.
9. Make change. (As when buying something and you get money back.)
8. Have at least something listed on the menu.
7. Dr. Pepper.
6. Throw away the cookies with ants in them.
5. Passengers on motorcycles should not pull a well-barrow.
4. No wearing a sports jacket without pants or a shirt.
3. Use refrigerated trucks to haul fish.
2. Don’t cut in line.
1. Bath.