Tarantula in the Bathroom – September 26, 2019

[Martin Hash]

My wife, Gwynne, and I were driving to Chicago, Illinois, to the beginning of Route 66, and we passed through Nebraska. I'd never been in Nebraska before, and I didn't know anything about it except that there were cornfields, and after driving through it for a few hours, I knew why; there wasn't much else and it was getting dark when we drove into Lincoln, the State Capital. As usual, I booked the cheapest room on Expedia, called the Luxury Inn, but started to get suspicious when we couldn’t find the place. Google Maps kept telling us to turn left and turn right but we were driving on old, overgrown parking lots; like the remains of motels that had been demolished. After a couple hesitations, we finally saw the building that was pictured on Expedia. There weren’t many cars there and the ones there were were beat up and seemed to have people living out of them.

Nebraska Corn Fields s.JPG

The Night Manager was wearing a “laziness isn’t contagious” t-shirt, and hadn’t bathed recently. He gave us a key we didn't need because the lock on the door was broken.
“How much did you pay for this room?”
“$40,” I said proudly.
“$40?! Who charges $40 for a room?” Gwynne asked, perplexed.
“It’s Nebraska,” I reassured her. “Probably all rooms are $40.”
Gwynne looked at me askance then walked into the bathroom. There’s black hair and toothpaste in the sink,” she said, then, “And a tarantula in front of the toilet.”
I was was excited, and rushed in to see it. “That's not a tarantula,” I said, disappointed.
“It's big, and it's brown, and it's hairy,” Gwynne responded, defensively.
I Googled “big brown hairy spiders in Nebraska” and said, “That’s not a tarantula; it’s a Jumping Spider.”
“Jumping Spider!” She exclaimed. “What’s it doing in the bathroom?!”
“It’s a bathroom,” I replied superciliously. “What do you think it’s doing?”
Gwynne’s eyes got even wider.”
“You’ll know what it’s doing when you come in here tonight and it jumps on you.”

Jumping Spider in the Bathroom s.jpg

I have to admit that I did turn on the light to pee during the night, made sure the toilet blocked the spider’s trajectory. He was still there when we left in the morning. I think he lived in there; hey, it’s Nebraska. At least we got a chance to visit the capitol before heading on our way. Not bad, and I've never seen so many images of naked people in a public building, before or since. Apparently, Nebraska is the land of corn, jumping spiders & full frontal nudity.

Nudity in the NE Capitol s.JPG

Bare Breasts in the NE Capitol s.JPG

Male Genitalia in the NE Capitol s.JPG