Seizure Alert Dog

[Martin Hash]

After watching all those attorney shows on TV, I felt like I must be missing something because I never saw or did anything exciting or even worth telling anyone about ,so I signed up to work for “Clark County Volunteer Lawyers Program” a couple days a week. Different lawyers came through there every day as a way to check-off their volunteer hours, and I got to work with them so that was a bonus too. Plus, the cases that came there were just what I was looking for, crazier that Judge Judy.

I was paired up with a distinguished downtown Vancouver attorney to see Family Law clients. We were given a list of names, and a brief outline of what they needed to talk about during our 30 minute appointment. These cases were always interesting: the turmoil of other people's lives, especially at a free clinic, are somehow fascinating to the rest of us, and lawyers get a front-row seat.

It was a morning for evictions, most of which we can only forward to the shelters. We had just ushered out a child abuse case where the abusing father had got out of prison and was living with the now grown daughter who was actually very concerned about his well-being, when Susana, the clerk, held the door open for the next client to come in. She wasn't her normal talkative self, instead she was trying to keep a blank look on her face.

There was a whirring sound as a big, motorized wheelchair came bumping its way through the door. In it was an immensely fat women in a moo-moo, leaned all the way back in the wheelchair so that we could barely see her head, and sitting on her stomach was a little dog wearing a red circus vest that said “Seizure Alert Dog.” A lot of folks had come through our office but never anything like this. I tried not to smile, curious as to this woman's case and eager to listen.

servicedogvest.jpg

Whatever other problems the woman had, she sure could talk, and she had a loud voice, and she had a lot to say. We could barely see her as she talked, lying almost horizontal as she was, and the little dog was directly in our line of view. The dog seemed well-behaved enough, if not somewhat distracting. Apparently, the client couldn't find a place to live because none of the Section 8 housing was equipped to deal with her wheelchair, and could we help her find a place. Currently, she was living under the bridge with her boyfriend, a scrawny, demure man who sat next to her without speaking. Plus, she had a condition that caused her to go into convulsions at any time. That's why she had the alert dog: it could sense if she was going to have a seizure and give an the alert for someone to call an ambulance.

The woman talked on-and-on about her difficult life: neither of us lawyers had had a chance to speak except for initial introductions. Thankfully, finally she abruptly stopped. The other attorney & I looked at each other. He shook his head so I turned to the client and was just about to say something, I can't remember what, when the little dog starting barking its head off. The attorney with me was not prepared for the commotion, "what the fuck is this?" he said aloud. Then the woman started shaking in her wheelchair. Her boyfriend seemed not to notice, he just continued to just sit there. The other attorney exclaimed, "Jesus! Jesus! Jesus fucking Christ!" and stormed out of the room, leaving me to deal with the situation. The dog stopped barking and started licking its crotch. The woman was foaming at the mouth.

All I could think to say was, “could somebody call the goddamn paramedics, please?!”