The Present

[Martin Hash]

Our neighbors, Mark and Jani, were over visiting for the holiday season. We were discussing the Christmas lights on the houses around us, last week’s windstorm, and what each of us were planning to do in the New Year. Jani asked my wife, Gwynne, what I had got her for Christmas.

Gwynne looked over at me. “Tell them what you got me for Christmas, dear,” she said, sweetly.

I was happy to comply. “I got Gwynne a 34-foot manlift.”

Neither Mark nor Jani said anything for a few moments then Mark said, “Oh, that’s cool! Tell me about it, Gwynne.”

“You tell him, dear,” Gwynne said to me.

I was ready. “It’s a two ton ’77 Jimmy with less than 1000 hours: scissors and rotation; microbrake; and utility body.”

Jani seemed confused. “Are you talking about some kind of crane?” she asked, aghast.

Mark butted in. “Where ya gonna use it?”

“Gwynne wanted to clean the house exterior, so I strapped a 3500 psi pressure washer into the bucket. She has a tough time getting it started but if she levers herself out over the extension arm she can get enough pull on the rope. The fiberglass is tearing her up a bit though…” I smiled over at Gwynne, “she’ll toughen up.”

Gwynne pulled back her shirt sleeves to show cut and scratched forearms.

Jani looked horrified. “Oh, my god,” she exclaimed. “You can hire somebody to do that.”

“Who makes the body?” Mark interrupted.

“American Steel. And it has fine-adjusting, four-lever hydraulic controls – with a second set on the main arm. Plus, the guy threw in a set of 5-lug spare dualies.”

“Where’d ya get it?”

“I was driving down St. James and it was parked on the side of the road with a ‘For Sale’ sign barely visible in the window. I don’t think anybody else could see the sign ‘cause I got a great deal on it.”

Gwynne interjected, “I was at home when he drove up… I can tell you – it made quite an impression on the other ladies from work who were over for brunch.”

Mark appeared to be in deep concentration.

“So, Mark… What’d you get Jani for Christmas?”

“Well,” Mark began. “I had some 2 carat designer diamond earrings on order… But now I’m thinking maybe she needs a backhoe.”

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Gwynne working