HOA

[Martin Hash]

As the world becomes more authoritarian, both from the Marxist Left and Fascist Right, communities are following suit, right down to neighbor against neighbor, my HOA included. I’ve lived in an upscale 2.5-acre lot neighborhood for almost a quarter century. The HOA there has never been a problem: I don’t attend meetings, though I used to host them in the past, but my wife still likes to. Until recently, the HOA served primarily to schedule the neighborhood picnic, identify who’s having a Christmas party & resurface the road regularly. Being on the board was a taking-turns affair nobody really wanted to do. I had no complaints with it… Until now. Predictable in these times, there was a coup of authoritarians who lobbied to be on the board and start acting like tyrants.

I knew I was going to be in their sights so I preemptively approached one of the worst of them beforehand and warned what would happen if they started making demands on homeowners & threatening fines. I explained to him that I’d been through this before, been the focus in fact, and how the neighborhood will lose its sense of welcome, camaraderie & cohesiveness; that people will quit their daily walks which are mostly an excuse for friendly chats because they might see me; and that the only way it ends is for the ring-leaders to move; and even then it takes 5 years for trust to return. He asked me why anyone would fight back? I looked him right in the eye and said, “It’s ideological.” He didn’t seem to understand and disgustedly told me, “We’ll have to agree to disagree.” I replied that I wasn’t negotiating; I was explaining how it was going to be.

No actual complaints had been formally leveled on me & mine but I knew they were brewing, particularly in regards to my house because it is very eccentric and the half the people in the neighborhood were new California-esque judgmental types so they were going to be coming after me: they don’t like my maze, they don’t like my bronze animals, they don’t like my fence, they don’t like my aesthetics; it goes on & on. Before any of these subjective kind of complaints came up, I decided to pre-empt them with issues that were objective and I could control.

I knew that the number of cars in people’s driveways drove them mad, and they were especially triggered by construction vehicles so I asked some of my son’s contractor friends to park their trucks in my driveway near the road where they couldn’t be missed. Nobody from the HOA said anything so I tried another plan: I sent an email to the president with documentation that in actuality, I owned some of the property on the other side of the street, deep into the front lawns of other homes, and that I wanted the HOA to recognize the fact. Still nothing.

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A couple weeks later, apparently my fishing expeditions had been successful because while I was working in the garage on my classic 1963 supercharged Studebaker Avanti, my hands covered in brake fluid, the HOA leadership showed up unannounced. I rarely talk with people on sensitive matters but insist on written communication as a record so I suspected this was an ambush but I decided to see if I could maneuver the situation to my benefit. They started with asking me about the property boundary. I told them that people in a neighborhood have to recognize my forbearance, that I didn’t want trouble with my neighbors, and I expected them to treat me the same way. The female attorney came at me about being an old white guy getting privileges that POCs don't. I didn’t say a word, simply went back to working on my brakes; just talking about Wokeness gives them the playing field.

They didn’t back down but instead started browbeating my wife so I had to return to the fray. They then accused me of having renters, which was against the CC&Rs. I said that it’s my house and I’ll do as I want; I don’t have any renters now and the people who live with us are our friends who we’re housing while their house is under reconstruction after a fire. Like a flash it struck me that “renters” was an excellent defense through offense issue so I preceded to tell them that I like having people in my house, that I might fill all 6 of the Guest rooms with “friends” and that my friends might give me a gifts because of my kindness. Whatever, it was certainly no concern of the HOA. BTW, get off my property.

The troll worked and they started to fine me $1000 per month for having “renters.” I’ve been through this kind of thing before and know the best thing to do is apply constant pressure, so I accused them of racism (towards an OWG) and reiterated that I had no renters. I also included my bar number. They had a Cease & Desist letter sent from a lawyer: I responded to the lawyer on my own legal letterhead demanding evidence and accusing them of harassment. I also sent an email to all residents calling for the boards’ immediate resignation.

The back & forth went on for months, during which time the real object of the HOA’s desires was obscured, to go after my house. Eventually, the frustration was too much and I got a threatening letter to paint my house with a $1000/month fine that if I didn’t pay, my property would be liened & sold at auction. Of course, this was just the first salvo of house-hating, there would be many more if I relinquished. I smiled because I’d been preparing a defense since the beginning; as they say, I was loaded for bear. I told them that I already had a countersuit with correspondence showing a pattern of harassment, possibly even racial or politically motivated, and I will be asking significant damages. I took a picture of my house from the road, which is 100 feet away, to present to the judge as evidence. My house has synthetic stucco that never fades, peels nor cracks; a material that I specifically chose as a Professional Engineer because in never needs painting. I also reminded them that “I have more money than God,” which is an old Microsoft expression meaning taking on an opponent who uses money as a threat.

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The board only lasted the year and quit, thank god. Hopefully, most of them haven’t destroyed their welcome here but a couple have no choice but to move. I’m hoping the new board will wipe the slate clean and go back to Block party planning & Christmas wreaths on the gate, but if they do intend to continue harassing me and pursue the existing issues in court, I’m kind of looking forward to that too. I love being a lawyer.

[SuburbanFarmer]

HOAs are an insane concept. Can’t imagine living with one.

[C-Mag]

Well done Sir

[C-Mag]

HOAs are an insane concept. Can’t imagine living with one.

Yeah

What's the thought, I dont have enough rules in my life, I need rules at home too

[Xenophon]

Incredible.

My neighborhood is a little subdivision in the small town I live in. There's three streets off the main road inside the subdivisions where there are houses, each ending in a cul-de-sac. My humble abode is at the end of the cul-de-sac.

Right now, we don't have an HOA or anything. A house building company bought up all the empty lots and is throwing up houses all over the subdivison. It's starting to make the place looked cramped, but luckily there's only one lot next to me available to build on, and a different guy is putting a little house there. My worry is that with all these new houses popping up someone will think we need an HOA.

The people in the neighborhood are pretty chill and we're mostly white or white-presenting, and there are tons of homeschool families like my own. If someone thinks we need an HOA, I'll make sure I get elected.