Christmas Party

[Martin Hash]

My wife, Gwynne, and I were going to have a Christmas party at our house this year but the nasty HOA has completely shutdown the camaraderie in our neighborhood so it didn’t look like that was going to happen, then Gwynne told me that our daughter-in-law, Jessica, wanted to invite the ladies she works with to a party at our house, and was that okay with me? Sure, let someone else arrange, setup & clean this year’s party. I thought. Even if it was her feminist friends, I could probably talk to the guys, and if that didn’t work out, Gwynne & I could go out dancing. Gwynne also stated that she & our daughter & our granddaughter were invited. That seemed like an odd addendum but I was glad my whole family was invited to a party at my house. Little did I know…

A few days later, my son, Jessica’s husband, Heath, tells me he’s going out with the guys to a comedy show that night. I found that odd, seeing as how he would miss a lot of the Christmas party, and he said that I should be ready for a house full of women. What? The next time I saw Gwynne, I asked her what was going on with the Christmas party. She said she didn’t think anything was going on. “Heath’s going to be late,” I told her. She didn’t say anything then it dawned on me that this was a women-only Christmas party and I wasn’t invited… In my own house. And that Gwynne intended on going so there would be no dancing. I repeated this revelation to Gwynne. She said, “I told you.” I didn’t know how to respond.

I thought on it a couple days, reviewing the conversation with her in my head. Eventually, I pinned her down. “You didn’t tell me it was women-only; I would have certainly clued in on the fact I wasn’t invited, and no matter what, how did you think such a thing would be okay with me?” Her only response was again, “I told you.” I responded, “I don’t care what you told me; no Christmas party at my house that I’m not invited to.”

Christmas Party.jpg

Of course, like all women, Gwynne does what she wants so I had to hide in my room while a Christmas party was going on in the rest of the house. Not only that but people brought their dogs who apparently ran around freely if what I could hear was any indication since they were barking all night. I sneaked out at one point and pointed my phone around the corner to get a picture of the happenings but somebody almost saw me so I crept back into hiding. Despite some people going home at 8 pm, apparently the majority stayed, not only because they were drunk but also because it snowed, so our guest rooms filled up. I don’t know when Gwynne finally came to bed because I was already asleep, and that was after midnight.

When I got up in the morning and walked out of my bedroom door, a big dog started intensely barking at me, forcing me back in the bedroom. I was trapped again. When everyone finally left at 2 pm to go drinking at someone else’s house despite the danger of driving in the freezing rain, I started vacuuming up dog hair. At least we had a Christmas party at my house this year, and I got to spend 3 days with my granddaughter, but we won’t be having another one anytime soon.