Illani

[Martin Hash]

Jilt.jpg

People tell me I’m eccentric and when I disagree, they provide evidence. For example, there are multiple videos of me dancing on TikTok with millions of views. I just saw someone the other night surreptitiously videoing me with the phone, probably to post. In the morning, I received an email from the Northwest Corvette Club, which has a sponsored event at the Illani Casino up the road. The email thanked me for bringing my 1963 Supercharged Studebaker Avanti to their car show last summer and invited me to Illani. I don’t gamble but I dance so when my friends, Loren & Jeanie, told me they were going because they knew the band, Jilt, I thought the coincidence was too much to ignore.

Last time I was there about a month ago, a couple of young women came up to dance with me; one even cupped me between the legs. My wife, Gwynne, was somewhat surprised but it’s a casino, what do you expect? Things went as usual, I talked to people without reservation: the band’s former drummer & his girlfriend, a gay couple, other people who looked friendly. However, while dancing, a woman came up to me & asked that I come with her. I told her no. She insisted. I didn’t budge. Apparently, she was security. I told her my WSBA number. She said she was calling the police if I didn’t leave because I was inebriated. I told her that we were in a bar, I wasn’t drinking, and the last time I was here some gal tickled my balls. She told me I was offensive, and more security showed up.

I tried to make the biggest scene I could without actually going to casino jail. While being escorted out, I told the drummer I was being kicked out, and the gay couple, who looked appalled, and any other old white guy I went by on the way out. Gwynne & I had to stand outside the glass doors waiting for our friends. It turned out that Jeanie had just bought me a high-priced Johnny Walker Black double after waiting in line for half-an-hour, and she wanted her money back. The manager, apparently aware of what was going down, apologized, gave her money back, and his card in case there was any problem. She felt very proud of herself for standing up for me. I texted everyone who was going to meet us there that I had just been kicked out. It went over fantastically. I can’t wait to get kicked out again for dancing in a dance bar. Believe it or not, that was the 2nd time.

p.s. I was wearing an ugly Christmas sweater & Santa hat.

Ugly Christmas Sweater.jpg