Resisting Covidians

[Martin Hash]

Remove Masks.JPG

The argument used by Covidians is that the regular people enforcing these insane COVID mask rules are just doing their jobs and you’re making their lives tougher by not relinquishing your liberty. I have a simple response: if some employer is asking you to violate your morals & values, and you’re too afraid & kowtowed to resist, don’t make your problem my problem. Since my wife, Gwynne, is only 5’1”, she’s got to resist anyway she can, and going maskless is something we can do together: we’re a tornado of fear husband & wife team.

Live Music
Gwynne & I went dancing in Gresham, east of Portland and not quite so nutso. Half the people didn't wear masks which will hopefully embolden the other half. The harmonica player sitting next to me tried to start a conversation about vaccinations. I like the guy so I didn't jump down his throat, I simply said: "I don't talk about that: BTW, I'm a doctor." That's it, that's all I said. He seemed satisfied; it was a great night; nobody wanted to leave; there were still people who wanted to play & dance. Nobody was wearing a mask by the end. The place is owned by a Vietnamese immigrant gal who can hardly speak English gal. Why does it take a Communist immigrant to stand up to authoritarianism?

A couple weeks later, we went dancing in Beaverton, OR: which is more nutso than Portland. I purposely chose to go to that club to see if I could work maskless magic. When we arrived, I dutifully put on a mask when the bartender asked me. I looked around, few people were wearing masks; more importantly, half the people on the dance floor weren't wearing masks. Gwynne & I watched for a few minutes to get the feel of the place than went maskless out to dance. A guy came up to me and said I had to put on a mask. I said no & got kicked out. Here's the rub: I was the only white male dancing without a mask.

We went back to our old stomping grounds in WA. I was standing in line at the bar behind a gal who has danced with Gwynne & I a couple times. We were having a good conversation when she made some comment about people who don’t wear masks; I said I was against masks. She asked if I’d gotten COVID: I said yes. She asked if I gotten it bad; I said real bad. She asked if I’d seen a doctor; I said I am a doctor. She made a comment about there being people who were unvaccinated; I said I was unvaccinated. It was her turn and she walked forward to the bartender and told him I was unvaccinated & shouldn’t be allowed in. The bartender didn’t say anything. She insisted again; the bartender just stared at her. Again she insisted, pointing her finger at my chest: nothing. She left.

Washington State Fair
Gwynne & I were standing in line outside for a pineapple filled chicken rice bowl because we’d never had one before. Normally, I don’t stand in lines but it seemed unfair for me to hit the beer garden while she waited in the sun. However, I was distracted by my phone and not really paying attention. I was about 5’ away. It’s important to note that we were the only ones not wearing masks. This guy in front of us passive-aggressively asks me to “social distance.”
I’m already standing in another county for chissakes: I said, “No.”
The guy’s fat wife said, “He asked you nicely.”
I said, “I responded nicely.”
The guy says, “Move.”
I said, “What are you going to do: fight me right here?”
It probably would have been over after the Male Dominance Hierarchy posturing but fatty stepped in between me and him, pulled down her mask & blew in my face: I returned the favor. Remember at least 100 people are watching. The bitch thought I would back down but I stood my ground. She took out her cellphone.
“You want to take my picture?” I asked.
She screamed, “You bet I’m taking your picture!”
I smiled.
“You have corn in your teeth,”she insulted me,
I didn’t move. She stormed off, presumably to find Security. When she was gone, I stepped up to the guy and said, “I’m sorry I amped you up, man. That escalated fast: I certainly didn’t need the adrenaline.”
“I was just protecting my wife,” he replied, capitulating.
His wife came back about 10 minutes later. Nothing more.
We got served then took the food to the beer garden and sat down. The guy at the table next to me was from the line: he’d seen the whole thing. He didn’t mention the event but he did nod and say over to my table: “Nice day.”
“Yeah.”

WalMart
I’d been waiting for the opportunity and it finally happened…
Gwynne & I went maskless into Walmart and a customer complained so a manager stopped me:“Sir, could you please put a mask on?” He asked nicely.
“My preferred pronoun is ‘Your Majesty’ but you can address me as ‘Dr.’” I replied nicely.
The manager didn’t miss a beat: “Dr., could you please put a mask on?”
I held up my coffee cup. “I’m currently consuming food,” I explained.
“Sir, you have to be seated.”
“I have a disability that prevents sitting while I’m shopping,” I replied.
The manager and I stood there for a moment looking at each other.
“Thank you for shopping at Walmart.”

Home Depot
Closing on a positive note: during the weekdays at Home Depot when contractors are shopping for parts, none of the guys wear masks. I nod occasionally and they nod back. The weird thing is when I talk to them, they all have accents. It seems the only people who are willing to defy authority are immigrants who came for the American Dream. I feel like we let them down but I least I didn't.