Happy Lockdown Easter

[Martin Hash]

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I started Easter Sunday trimming my hedge maze to look like an Easter Egg. Don't ask; that's just the kind of thing I've been doing in Lockdown. Innocently, I posted the image to Facebook; hey, there's a lot of locked-down people that can be easily entertained; however, somehow I must have piqued the interest of Online Scammers attuned to recognize quirky things like that because the next message was a notice from my Friend, RuthAnn Hughes. “I've changed my account,” it said. “Please add me as a Friend.” RuthAnn is a Republican and she was posting this on my “Nonpartisan” campaign page, which I found surprising; then she posted the same thing two more times on my other pages. I was suspicious but I'm also naive and bored from Lockdown, so I went ahead and Friended her again.

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A few minutes later I got notice from Messenger: it was from RuthAnn; it said: “Hello how are you doing today?” I knew the second I read it that I'd been scammed because that's what the scammers always say. First I was chagrined at being fooled again, but then that smirky smile of mine crept onto my lips as I replied, “Me? I'm an online fraud attorney. How about you?”

I thought that would end it, mission accomplished, but just as I was going to delete and Block the phony, Messenger dinged me again; it said: “I got a problem on my old profile so this is my new account delete the old one and add this new one ok.”

I couldn't resist responding: “Already did. I assume you have a bank account whee I should wire the money?” I figured I'd get right to the heart of the matter; I didn't have all day, no matter how entertaining this was, but it continued...

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Followed by: “Well it about the UNDP going on in the society because of the Corona Virus?” (Grammar and punctuation were good on this one.)

“Yabadabadoo,” I replied.

But they persisted: “It is the United Nations Development Program, established by the Federal Government to help the citizens of the country because of the Corona Virus out there, they are giving out funds to the old, young, retired, working, nonworking, disabled, able to assist them for staying at home for this present curfew.”

But I'd had enough, so I finished reporting and Blocking them. That, I thought, was that, but it turns out Easter Sunday Lockdown had one more online gift for me; an email sent from my campaign webpage to buy “best child porn.”

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[StCapps]

Oh shit, Carlin was right, those fuckers are trying to frame Marty Hash for child porn, those bastards