Meetup

[Martin Hash]

I like to keep up; if there's a new Social Networking App, I try to give it a go. Some, like SnapChat, seem easy enough to use; I got a Smartphone and a penis, but after I SnapChatted my wife, Gwynne, one time, she told me to take the app off of my phone. The app I'm trying to use now is Meetup, which is supposed to connect you will other people who presumably share an interest in something similar: Spanish Language Movies, PDX Screenwriters. Gwynne and I have even tried attending a couple of Vancouver Travel Meetups but I don't want to be the best one in the room, I'm there to hopefully expand my own horizons.

The way Meetups work is that you search though topics that interest you, and apply for admittance to existing groups whose description blurb sounds enticing and are nearby. Sometimes, however, a group will search you out and you'll get an email asking for you to apply. That doesn't happen very often, once a week maybe, and the ones that ask me are never appealing, or downright insulting; for example I got an invite to the “Women's Dating Support” Meetup group. Their blurb was:

This group is created for discussing the lovely world of dating with funny stories and/or roadblocks felt, venting, and/or warning other women of Meetup about potential stalkerish, creepish, or abusers of women's boundaries type that they have met through Meetup or other dating sites currently on Meetup/Dating sites in our local area. This is not a smear campaign group it is to help others and have... (I didn't read after that.)

I wondered why this particular invitation was sent to me? Since I wasn't a woman who needed support that would imply I was a potential stalker, creep or abuser. Just clicking the delete button on that baby couldn't happen fast enough. However, I did what I could to save the “No Bullshit Networking” group because that sounded like something more up my alley but alas, I was unsuccessful so now bullshitters continue to rule the earth without push-back.

No Bullshit.JPG

Then, almost magically, I got an invitation to a new "Illuminati" group.. Just the title was alluring, and the blurb sounded mysterious. I’d heard about the Illuminati; it’s very hush-hush but it’s supposed to be a secret organization of super individuals who behind the scenes control the world. The Illuminati Meetup appealed to “like-minded adventures.” I’m a like-minded adventurer, I thought. So for the first time I clicked the join button on an unsolicited Meetup invitation, which required my Facebook profile.

I was kind of looking forward to maybe a gold fraternity ring or secret handshake, so it was an anxious couple of days waiting for approval. Needless to say, I was little prepared for the email that came saying, "Your request to join The Illuminati was declined." I was disappointed that I didn't have the right stuff to be an Illuminati; apparently, I didn't meet the qualifications and high entrance requirements. At first I wasn't sure what to think about being a cast-off; should I feel bad? Should I be angry? Should I contact them and explain how they missed out on admitting the World's Only blah, blah, blah? The Meetup bots did sympathize with my plight and reassured me, "Don't fret, Martin Hash! There are over 323,826 groups on Meetup with 2,911 groups near Vancouver." Then it hit me; the whole thing was an epic troll. My application was sought after on purpose so that when I applied to be an “Illuminati,” I would be turned down. My bet is that whoever staged this ruse specifically identified me for hoaxing. Bravo, whoever you are.

Illuminati Invite.JPG

[heydaralon]

If those people are the Illuminati, then they are probably ordering cheese pizzas by the dozen. I would advise against attending.

[TheReal_ND]

If those people are the Illuminati, then they are probably ordering cheese pizzas by the dozen. I would advise against attending.

Defo code for atheist pedophiles

[heydaralon]

Those people in that group look about as elite as the Catch a Predator lineup. They are probably pedophiles or worse. What we can say for sure is that they are certifiable losers.