New Old Car

[Martin Hash]

I used to LOVE old cars; I had dozens of them. Somewhere, probably after the 100th time of bashing my knuckles, or perhaps the smell of moldy interior and rotting rubber, they got to me, I gave up on cars entirely; now I don't have one... But I often think of getting another one. All my friends know this, and most nudge me to submit to the urge, but there's a couple who think grease under my fingernails is maybe not such a good idea. When the fugue is upon me, those who talk me down are who I go to first: my wife, my brother, but I always start with my friend, Jason.

Caddy.jpg

Recently I had the old car bug really bad. Like always, I sent Jason a link to a car, along with the message. “I'm thinking of buying this for campaigning in. I could put signs on the door and trunk, and drive around.”
Jason must have been working because he didn't respond immediately, but I sat staring at my phone waiting for him to reply. Finally, he did:
“That's a cool car but you're not going to win any election,” Jason wrote.
“But what if I did win, I could park in grocery store lots and talk to potential voters?” I suggested, enthusiastically.
“You're not going to win.”
“I could get this car anyway.”
“What are you talking about, your wife drives you everywhere.”
“It would look cool in the garage too.”

Jason's discouragement was not enough, so I sent the link to my brother, Marshall.
“Hey, want to fly to Missouri and drive this home with me?” I texted.
“I'm vacationing in the Bahamas. You don't need a car,” he replied.
So I showed my wife, Gwynne. I didn't even have to speak, I just showed her a picture on my phone.
“No,” she said, then went back to doing the wash.

Still, it didn't stick. An unbelievably cheap, huge, 1959 bright red, convertible Caddy with tail fins from heaven was overloading the desire homunculus in my brain. The webpage wanted me to sign up with personal information and passwords, etc., but it had a “contact” button and I tried that. I wrote, “Is this car & price for real.” I figured if it wasn't, nobody would respond, and if somebody did respond, we'd go from there.

Over the next few days, the following exchange occurred:

On 7/15/2018 10:29 AM, Roger Cooper wrote:
Hello Martin!
Let me say that the Cadillac DeVille is available for $21,300.
One of the cleanest Cadillac DeVille for sale anywhere. 1959 with only 17714 miles. One of the best all around driving cars you can buy.
A Totally Rust, Corrosion And Flood Free Vehicle. Never been in any accidents. Clear title.
Where are you located?
If you have any further questions please do not hesitate ask.
Don't let this beauty go away !!!
Thank you,

On Sun, Jul 15, 2018 at 4:19 PM, Martin Hash <martin@hash.com> wrote:
I live near Portland, OR, and I'd like to drive the car home. Do you think it could make the trip?
I'm a U.S. House political candidate, and if I win my Primary, I'm for sure buying that car, and maybe buying it even if I don't.
Martin

On 7/17/2018 2:57 PM, Roger Cooper wrote:
Hello Martin,
Would you like to see more pictures?
I would like to thank you for your interest in buying my car and also to clearly some things first of all.
The car belonged to my father but he is too old to enjoy it. He is disabled in a medical center and I am forced to handle this sale(clear title under my name). Priced for a quick sale. Because I'm dedicated to my career a third party company is the best choice for us. They will protect both of us in this transaction. I know it's been advertised in a few areas but the car is in Columbia, MO crated and ready to go. I arranged for the sale before I left the country so my presence won't be necessary. They are supervising the entire sale process from payment, shipping with a inspection period (7 days), title(clear) transfer service or/and (if needed) returns and refunding. As for the payment we can start a transaction through the shipping company where I'm already registered. You will have to register too on their website, then you have to contact me to start the transaction. If you are serious about buying the car, shipping/handling is included in the price. You will only pay the car price.
If you want to move forward please contact me back so we can get the ball rolling. Don't let this beauty go away !!
Thank you,

On Tue, Jul 17, 2018 at 4:57 PM, Martin Hash <martin@hash.com> wrote:
Roger;
I'm actually getting a MO Attorney's license via reciprocity to do a gig there, so I'll be coming through, though I've never been to MO before.
The Voter's Pamphlet came out yesterday, and I'm looking good but I won't know for a bit.
I'm trying to get my brother or son to ride back with me.
Sincerely,
Martin Hash

On 7/19/2018 11:37 AM, Roger Cooper wrote:
Hello Martin,
They do inspections at their location only in my presence, unfortunate I will be back in about 3-4 months. This why provide 7 days for inspection at your location. I think is plenty of time to check the condition of the unit. They don't do inspections at their facility because there were situations in the past when the units were damaged during the inspection and they had to pay for repair. This why they provide that inspection period at your location. The unit right now is crated because I wanted the next owner to receive it as I leave it(pristine condition). Don't get me wrong but I know the condition of the unit and I'm sure that you will love it from the first sign. They already made a pre purchase inspection on the car. If you want I can ask for a copy of that report. The best offer I can do for you is to pay half now and half after you receive it and inspect it at your location.
Let me know.
Thank you,

On Tue, Jul 21, 2018 at 6:42 AM, Martin Hash <martin@hash.com> wrote:
Thank you for that information, Roger. I'm sure you're right, and the car is great.
As it turns out, the case I'm doing in MO is investigating Consumer Fraud, and as coincidence has it, I will be visiting someone very much like your agent. In fact, I could meet your agent at the same time. Perhaps you could provide their contact information?
Sincerely,
Martin

I never heard back from Roger. Maybe he should be my Goto guy next time I get the urge to buy an new old car?

[Ex-California]

Do people actually fall for these scams?

[Okeefenokee]

Dude, ask if he can get me a crate jeep.

[SuburbanFarmer]

I love when you troll these guys.

[C-Mag]

Do people actually fall for these scams?

Well, Marty's get on in age ya know. He probably gets calls from 'Microsoft' telling him there is something wrong with his computer and they are willing to fix it if Marty gives them the log in and password.

huge, 1959 bright red, convertible Caddy with tail fins from heaven was overloading the desire homunculus in my brain.

Hands down my favorite 50's car. It's so big and ridiculously over the top with everything that was 50's cars. The trunk was big enough sleep 4. I love em. You got a great eye Marty.

[Martin Hash]

The Old Car bug was biting me real bad, and against my better judgment, I started Googling them up again. First I looked at a 1977 Porsche 930 (the one with the whale tail), but those were $150K, so Gwynne recommended I go back to old Corvettes. (She doesn't want me to buy one, she just wants to get me out of her hair for the time I'm fixating.)

And I found one! Via an email query, I asked if it was just a Quarter-miler, or could it go street legal? The response did not answer my question but instead said something about checking to see if this was the correct email. I responded with "Yup, it's me. BTW, I'm an attorney and you better not contact me again if this is a scam." Of course, I never heard back.

Corvette Ad s.jpg

Corvette.jpg

[Smitty-48]

The 77' 930 was the supercar of my youth, that was the pinnacle in 1977

Car & Driver "Quickest Car of the 70's". 0-60 in 4.9 seconds.

The TAG Turbo was developed by Team McLaren Formula One.

[Hastur]

They don't make them like they used to.

[Smitty-48]

I hate 50's cars.

Junk heaps.

Cars didn't get cool until the late 60's.

Everything before Formula One tech is basically a glorified tractor.

[Hastur]

But they made great ads.