A Busy Day

[Martin Hash]

I'm A Criminal.
I bought a sofa in Oregon without paying Washington sales tax.
I smoked a Cuban cigar.
I took the dog for a walk without a leash.
I rode a bicycle without a helmet.
I crossed a street without using a marked crosswalk.
I cussed in front of the children.
I have poppy seeds in my spice rack.
I burned leaves in my backyard.
I let the battery in my smoke detector get low.
I didn't fix the cracked sidewalk in front of my office.
I have an unpaid, out-of-state parking ticket.
I disabled the "Reverse Prevention" switch on my riding lawnmower.
I have an unpasteurized bottle of mescal in my liquor cabinet.
I didn't get my cat a license.
I fixed my septic tank, which destroyed a wetlands.
I tore the "Fire Hazard" tag off of my pillow.
I took fresh fruit across the state border.
I didn't wear seatbelts.
I encrypted my email.
I avoided jury duty.
I have a piece of ivory.
I can hear my radio outside of my car.
I painted the office without a building permit.
I have a hotel shampoo.
I have a flash suppresser and 100-round clip on my .22.
I signed a check with my other hand.
I wrote an address on a dollar bill.
I was going 61 in a "60" (and to top it off, I didn't use my turn signal in the "Turn Only" lane.)
I've got to get to bed early tonight because I have a long day of law-breaking ahead of me tomorrow.