It's that time of year when the hair style changes, just before Punk Rock Bowling. I wish there was Punk Rock Bowling when I was a kid, but I guess I'll have to live vicariously through my son, Heath's, adventures there. From what I can tell, Punk Rock Bowling requires going to Las Vegas, listening to 80s Punk bands with blown speakers, wearing glow bracelets, and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. It also involves at least a 6-inch Mohawk, preferably dyed green or red. That's how I know something's coming up, like this year's Hood-to-Coast race, but Heath is obviously getting older because he's branching out into new coiffure. For several months there was the never-cut-nor-washed-nor-combed look hidden under a muddy baseball cap look, and now there's corn-rows... Blond corn-rows. His Hood-to-Coast team even put the picture of his corn-rows on their van.
It really doesn't make any difference how old your son is, when he's wearing blond corn-rows, dads have got to say it like it is.
“That looks gay,” was my first comment.
“It's not gay,” Heath replied.
“But it looks gay.”
“It's not gay.”
“I thought some of your other haircuts were gay, but this time Gay people called and they say it looks gay. And what's with the doo-rag, you going to work in the cotton fields?”
“It keeps my head from getting sunburned, and anyway, that's racist.”
“Isn't that haircut some kind of cultural appropriation. Aren't you afraid some Black girls will beat you up?”
“Nobody's going to beat me up.”
“But what if they did? What if while you're running Hood-to-Coast, a bunch of people who thought you looked like some kind of goddamn pussy, beat you up?”
No reaction.
“And it looks gay,” I finally said into the silence.
“It's not gay.”
That went on for a while.
After Hood-to-Coast, Heath told me his corn-rows were too uncomfortable, and he was going to get them cut off. “'Uncomfortable,' yeah, that's the word for it." I replied. "Uncomfortably gay."
Corn-Rows
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SuburbanFarmer
- Posts: 25311
- Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2016 6:50 am
- Location: Ohio
Re: Corn-Rows
I did that when I was 15 or so. Took about 2 days of my friends calling them "shitlocks" for me to shave my head 
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DBTrek
- Posts: 12241
- Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 7:04 pm
Re: Corn-Rows
They'd look better on M. Hash.
Gray cornrows.
Black fedora.
Leather duster.
Straight up superhero outfit.
Gray cornrows.
Black fedora.
Leather duster.
Straight up superhero outfit.
"Hey varmints, don't mess with a guy that's riding a buffalo"
