Sloth Photobomb

[Martin Hash]

If you travel around the world getting your picture taken with endangered animals, it comes as somewhat of a surprise to find out you only have to drive less than an hour to achieve the same thing. More than one of our friends had told my wife, Gwynne, that there was a sloth conservation center we could visit after seeing it covered on CNN. Apparently, there's been a “Sloth Captive Husbandry Research Center” in Rainier, Oregon for the past 30 years that I knew nothing about until my birthday when I got a sloth doll & tickets to go visit the real thing. I didn't know what to expect but I didn't have high expectations, which weren't reassured when we arrived.

Sloth Photobomb 1.jpg

The person who met us at the locked gate would not let us out of the car, nor take video. We also had to sign a disclosure denying we were part of a news organization nor any environmental or animal welfare group. She said the media exposure had brought the crazies out, and I believe it. This is Oregon we're talking about, home of the sanctimonious tree-huggers who say things like “meat eaters are as morally corrupt as rapists, murderers, and pedophiles.” They have 329 sloths from 5 generations of breeding on 100 acres, which would be okay if the sloths could live outdoors, but this is the Pacific Northwest, it's too cold for sloths. We were introduced to the show sloths, animals that had been habituated to humans, who would tap you on the chest with their long claw-like hands if you weren't giving them slices of squash & cucumber fast enough. That's really saying something because slow-moving people aren't called “sloths” for nothing. The encounter was easily worth the money.

Sloth Photobomb 2.jpg

I was curious about the push-back from activist-twits, and after a quick search, a website popped up called “slothconservation.com,” which appears to be one person who admits never having gotten paid to work with sloths but she did seem sincere. She has her own logo, wrote well, and did her due diligence, finding that “Carnal Contessa” was selling baby sloths on an exotic pets website which could clearly be traced back to the conservation center. I can only guess from the screen name that the seller was the same woman who hosted Gwynne & my visit, because my first whispered comment to Gwynne after talking to her was, “that gal needs to wear a bra.” It also fits into their website being called “Chasing-Tail.com” even though sloths don't have a tail.

Selling Baby Sloths.jpg

[Speaker to Animals]

You need to get one. Don't you have a whole attic room that is empty now?

[Martin Hash]

You need to get one. Don't you have a whole attic room that is empty now?

I'm pretty sure Gwynne wouldn't go for another Carnal Contessa.

[Speaker to Animals]

You need to get one. Don't you have a whole attic room that is empty now?

I'm pretty sure Gwynne wouldn't go for another Carnal Contessa.

He'd be your buddy. I bet he would even go on the train rides.

If you are going to get a divorce, it might as well be over your new best friend who is sloth.

[Martin Hash]

You need to get one. Don't you have a whole attic room that is empty now?

I'm pretty sure Gwynne wouldn't go for another Carnal Contessa.

He'd be your buddy. I bet he would even go on the train rides.

If you are going to get a divorce, it might as well be over your new best friend who is sloth.

Oh, you're talking about a sloth... What was I thinking?

[Speaker to Animals]

Wait, can you buy both? After nukedog tricked me into looking at Antifa girl's hairy snatch, I am a bit cautious about these environmentalist girls. They are haram.