TV Police

[Martin Hash]

My wife, Gwynne, and I lived in a “flat” near Northumbria University, England, where I went to Medical School. It was truly a slumlord paradise, a former “Council House,” now privatized, and cut up into shitty apartments. The drain from our kitchen flowed directly into the backyard and pooled on the rough slab of concrete outside the window, which stunk like a cesspool. There was no heat, the old steam radiators long disconnected, and the cheap armoire had no bottoms in the drawers. Once I had to hammer a candle into a leaking pipe to keep water from spraying out, and it stayed like that until we moved. I couldn't just turn the water off because I was the first unit and all the other units would be without water too. I found that out the hard way.

TV License 3.jpg

The neighborhood we lived in was drab but there was a “Chop Suey Bar” across the street that was never open, and a real Fish 'n Chips joint nearby where the grease dripped off your elbows. Gwynne went on a walk every day past the millennium-old “new castle,” along the Tyne River shore-front. All-n-all, the differences were small compared to the similarities with our experiences in America, except for one major issue, at least as far as I was concerned: the TV Police.

In Great Britain, if you have a TV, and you don't pay the $500 per year TV tax, they can come after you. I'm not kidding when I say, “come after.” A man in a van parked in front of our place for a while before knocking on the door. He said he was from someplace official sounding, and that he had reports that we were using a TV illegally.
“We don't have a TV,” I responded, mystified.
He said he had a signal (?) and asked to be let in to look around.
“I'm American,” I explained.
He just stared at me: apparently Americans are under the jurisdiction of the TV Police too. He told me that if I didn't let him in, they would assume I had a TV and fine me, and even though I thought it very bizarre, well, while-in-Rome...
I smiled as the TV policeman came through the door. He walked intently through the tiny rooms, opening closed doors and looking inside closets. Unfortunately, the big slopped-ceiling closet under the stairs had an old TV, there when we got there. I remembered that when he looked in.
“That's not mine,” I stammered. “That was here when I moved in.”
“There's two TVs in here,” he said mater-of-factly.
“Oh, really, I, a... hadn't noticed. They probably don't work. I wouldn't know 'cuz I never turned them on.” I paused. “And even if I did, I don't know where the antenna is.”
The TV Policeman squinted into the dark closet for a moment then must have decided I was telling the truth because he shut the door.
“Do you have a computer?” he asked, calmly, looking around at the lack of furniture.
“Uh, no.”
I didn't mention my laptop in my book-bag. Good thing too because apparently you have to pay a fine even if you watch TV on your computer, and my computer was a hotbed of stolen TV shows: “Grey's Anatomy,” “Scrubs,” “House,” and more. There was a treasure-trove of Millennial Copyright violations in there.
“There's a 1000-pound fine if you watch TV without a license,” the TV policeman told me once again before leaving.
“I'll be sure not to watch any TV,” I assured him.

TV License.jpg

I not paying any freakin' TV fee, and what's more I didn't pay the annual 1000-pound Council Tax just for being alive. I scurried out of the country without paying for either myself or Gwynne. The Newcastle Council threatened to sue me but all the info I'd given them was false. Screw Big Brother.

[SuburbanFarmer]

Fucking crazy...

I don't think they could find a more inefficient way to pay for BBC.

[Speaker to Animals]

We didn't kick them out of here soon enough. If there were such thing as TV Police in 1776, tar and feathering would be the least of punishments. Smitty might not ever have been born.

[heydaralon]

Have you guys seen the movie Brazil? When I read these anecdotes about Europe, I think that it is slowly but surely turning into a sequel to that film.

[Okeefenokee]

Have you guys seen the movie Brazil? When I read these anecdotes about Europe, I think that it is slowly but surely turning into a sequel to that film.

link?

[heydaralon]

Have you guys seen the movie Brazil? When I read these anecdotes about Europe, I think that it is slowly but surely turning into a sequel to that film.

link?

To the movie Brazil? Its an 80's movie made by one of the Monty Python guys. It has developed a strong following among right wing political groups. I like that movie a lot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazil_(1985_film)

[Okeefenokee]

Have you guys seen the movie Brazil? When I read these anecdotes about Europe, I think that it is slowly but surely turning into a sequel to that film.

link?

To the movie Brazil? Its an 80's movie made by one of the Monty Python guys. It has developed a strong following among right wing political groups. I like that movie a lot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazil_(1985_film)

thought you meant movie from brazil, or about brazil. my bad.

[heydaralon]

link?

To the movie Brazil? Its an 80's movie made by one of the Monty Python guys. It has developed a strong following among right wing political groups. I like that movie a lot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazil_(1985_film)

thought you meant movie from brazil, or about brazil. my bad.

You should watch it. It is a dystopian movie about big government and bureaucracy run amok. Its has some weird British humor, but it does stand the test of time. Oddly enough, Robert Deniro is in that movie too.