Tea Culture

[Martin Hash]

The Pacific Northwest boasts an overabundance of coffee-centricity, so it seemed natural when specialty tea houses began appearing. Having never frequented the ubiquitous coffee franchises, tall, double-latte tea concoctions held little appeal to me, but my friend, Ray Di Carlo, called me one evening to discuss a script and we ended up in a converted storefront decked out in plastic bamboo, plaster-of-paris slate benches, and other faux reminders of India's Calcutta squalor.

Tinkling music and the sound of running water greeted us at the "Blessed Here" sign. We were seated by a college co-ed wearing a sarong. Our white waiter wore a turban. The menu contained over 150 different kinds of teas, but should we want something "special", we had only to "query our host".

Ray, after paying considerable attention to the menu, self-assuredly ordered the "Camel's Breath" tea. I felt ridiculous not being able to identify a good tea so I ordered the first item that caught my eye: "Monkey-Picked ti" from the Kuan Yin province of China - for only $5.25 a cup. While we were waiting, I couldn't help but wonder if the monkey was enslaved, or if it had washed its hands before picking my tea, and if not, what had the monkey been picking just before picking my tea? I've been to the zoo. I've seen what monkeys pick - and it ain't their nose. These thoughts and others had my mind running rampant when the waiter appeared with a special tray containing much paraphernalia.

Ray's tea came in a pot of hot water, but "Monkey Picked ti" requires special attention, (probably for sterilization). First, water heating on a flaming clay shard was poured over a small, red urn to "close" it ("to capture the vapors", explained our server). A short chant and the leafy part was crushed into the urn also. "The receptacle is now sealed," explained the server. "No spirits may enter or leave the essence." He then poured a minute amount into a thimble sized cup.

Staring at the tiny cup, I became very curious. "Salute!" I announced and downed it whole - trying not to think about the monkey.

This action caused Ray's eyes to pop wide open.

"What?" I asked, innocently.

"Barbarian," he denounced me, disgusted.

"I'm thirsty," I replied. "Can I get a clean glass of water?"