Feelie Museum

[Martin Hash]

Lots of pretentious people say they can tell “good” art because it makes them feel strong emotions, either positive or negative. That definition also applies to all kinds of connoisseurs: gourmets, oenophiles, fashionistas and patrons of the opera. They say they have discriminating tastes, trained or inherited, that makes them capable of inhaling a kind of cosmic serotonin. I was rather incredulous of that claim; most of the folks I've met or seen in the media who said they had this special ability didn't seem like metahumans to me? In fact, I was inclined to suspect that they were instead self-important attention-seekers, but I was wrong! Because I've discovered that there is something that causes a similar effect to happen to me, and from what I an tell, it happens to my wife too. However, my psychic power isn't a green thumb for raising orchids, a nose for perfumes, an ear for pan pipes, an eye for modern dance, or any of those other rarefied circles, no, my skill is much more nuanced than that: instead I experience electric tingling when in the presence of inanimate Political Incorrectness, and when such items are in close proximity, the combined effect is stunning to behold. I call such a collection stiff-hair-on-your-back, anti-PC objects, a “Feelie Museum.”

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If you want to create your own Feelie Museum, the first question you to ask yourself is, “how does that make me feel?” because a Feelie Museum is a collection of objects intended to evoke emotions. Creation of such a collection involves gathering bizarre items, such as cigarette packaging, Hitler stamps, human & animal parts crafted into macabre utilitarian tools, and otherwise tasteless bric-n-brak all into one place. The very fact something is political incorrect, and the confused emotions it conjures: a balance of outrage, fear & guilt, with a dash of macabre & irony, make it a candidate for inclusion in a Feelie Museum. It's like combining culinary with sports with gut reactions. The item should make you experience an exquisite mixture of sensations not unlike a bitter taste on your pallet, so a Feelie is like a Foodie except you're an emotions gourmet. For example, the pit in my stomach I get when I first see something disturbing determines my desire to own it. My wife, Gwynne, knows just what I'm talking about: if her original reaction is “I don't want that thing in my house!” I know there's a Feelie Museum candidate in front of us.

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